Find light in the beautiful sea.

How does time work, really? Where does it go? It just flutters by and then it's 2013 and it's almost April of 2013 and what happened?

In related news, yes, it seems things have happened. The best thing about this is it just proves again how amazing Motion City Soundtrack fans are. There's always been so much love, and I'm personally grateful for their classy and cool fans. Hurrah! The last month has been a bit weird, but they are all family and supportive of each other no matter the issue at hand. Also, I totally got Christina (Tony's ladyfriend) into Bunheads in our conversations while they were overseas, so I hope Tony enjoys that with his newly found time!

Jesse returns tonight from Minneapolis, at least for a little while... I don't think he even changed his flight to try to surprise/scare me this time! He was out there playing a show and they worked on some new songs--always exciting.

In turn I spent my weekend with my wives. A few years ago, going out on a Friday night after work was no problem. These days I have to strategically plan. Friday is my favorite day of the week, but also the most exhausting. My friends wanted to go to a dance party in Brooklyn that happens only once a month, so I made sure to get in a good nap on Friday night after work because we were to meet up at 11pm. Yeah, I had to nap. Way things go when you have a 9-5 five days in a row. And it worked because I was able to stay out dancing til about four in the morning! I'm exclaiming all this because I seriously feel proud. Like, "yeah! Still got it!" ...I'm not very cool.

The funniest part of the night was that a girl came up to me on the dance floor - during a Rihanna jam, total Diamonds Interruptus - and yells near my ear: "My friend, he wants to talk to you. Is that okay?"

What?

Has there been some sort of regression in the dating scene in the years since I've been in a relationship and married? Did some girl really just come up to me on behalf of her dude friend? REALLY? Has that guy not approached someone since middle school? Does this have something to do with the popularity of online dating? Do guys not want to face rejection in real life only via an OKCupid message? These are not even all of the questions I had at that moment. ANYWAY, I was like, "Are you serious? I can't even see who you are pointing to, but I'm married anyways, so..." She smiled and danced off. Can somebody fill me in or give me some insight into this? Does this type of behavior normal? Is this how dudes are picking up ladies in darkly lit bars these days? In 2013?

The rest of my weekend was decidedly more relaxed and I enjoyed doing some top secret Maid of Honor crafting--something I rarely do--and then spending a morning with the bride-to-be and her mom!  The rest of the time I spent with errands or random activities. Sometimes I find myself walking down the street while Jesse's gone, kind of wandering. If you haven't noticed, I'm a pretty independent person, but when he's gone sometimes I feel aimless. I can always do whatever I want, but it's more fun when he's around and I have someone to come home to and who wants to see me and spend time with me and it's not like something I have to plan. He's there, I'm there and it's nice just to be together and have each other around. I'm being quite ineloquent but that's me trying to explain what happens sometimes when he's gone. Nothing makes you appreciate another person's mere presence when they have to leave for days at a time! And I am truly happy just to be sitting next to him on a couch doing absolutely nothing.

He lands in about an hour. I am excited.

Safe behind your teeth.

I meant to write about last weekend all week, and now the next weekend is upon me! In sum, I had a wonderful night on Friday celebrating my best friend Kelly's birthday, and then I headed to Massachusetts to spend the weekend with my dad. My dad and I are in similar situations right now: our spouses are oceans and continents away! So, naturally, we got together and watched movies, put together a puzzle, and ate ice cream cake. It's what we do. After a stressful work week, it was definitely a necessary and relaxing getaway for me. Thanks Dad! (And Buddy, pictured above!)

This week was also steeped in stress at work, but I've been trying to keep up with daily workouts and healthy eating. Like I'm an adult or something. My dad is going to be revolted by this, but I learned how to make really delicious brussel sprouts! Thanks to Kelly for showing me how easy it is. I think Instagram has made me despise non-professional photos of food, so I won't even post that here: DON'T WORRY.

Jesse's been quite busy across the world, and I'm so excited for him to come back next week. It's hard not being able to see and hear and touch someone for an entire month. I went to see Jack the Giant Slayer with my dad this past weekend and when the lead characters went in for a smooch I nearly sighed. And then I almost slapped myself. Get it together, Parker. Sad truth!

I decompressed from work most days this week with my commute reading. I finished Mary McCarthy's The Group, which apparently had quite a following in earlier generations of women. It still speaks to female friendships, and I liked it a lot. Then I read/edited a manuscript for a friend that wrote a novel that I cannot talk about at all until it's ready for publication, but it's awesome and I'm sorry I have to be vague and also for this terrible sentence. I just finished reading Sylvia Plath's collection of poems Ariel, and I think I re-read some of the poems three or four times before I was ready to put down the book. My favorite was "Lady Lazarus." I don't read much poetry, but I love Plath. Bleak but strong, melancholy but assertive -- I love her voice.

The rain's banging against the windows behind me, and I'm waiting for a call from Indonesia before I head to sleep.

I'll sign off with a few lines from Sylvia Plath's poem "You're"... I'm sure you can guess who I was thinking of while I read it:

Vague as fog and looked for like mail.
Farther off than Australia.
Bent-backed Atlas, our traveled prawn. 

Thinking sorrow was perfection.

I've just hit the time where it's hardest to be away from Jesse. I'm usually pretty good right after he leaves, but there always comes a lull a few days later and my heart sinks just a little bit. This morning he e-mailed me from Seoul, Korea where he was boarding a flight to Brisbane, Australia. Australia has always been a bit of a black spot for the mechanics of our long-dstance relationship since there is a 15 hour time difference and the internet situation there is usually spotty and at hotels very expensive. I'm attempting to keep positive and have high hopes for better communication this go-round. Yet I still remember the time Jesse walked around for an hour in the oppressive heat of Melbourne trying to find an internet cafe so we could talk.

His time in Japan has been good; I know it's one of his favorite countries, and the internet is plentiful! I'm not sure that word is the right descriptor, but even with the 14 hour time difference we were able to e-mail in my morning while he was finishing up a show and video chat when I got home from work and he was waking up in a hotel. Last night we video chatted twice, it was great! Pee Wee joined lazily the second time as he napped in my lap.

Jesse will be having a great time in Australia playing shows and catching up with old friends. Tonight he's going to a Metallica-hosted BBQ - how strange and fun! I'll busy myself by preparing for my annual Oscar-viewing party and making my Oscar predictions... I mean, I'm not saying I'm jealous of his lifestyle, but maybe I am...just a little?

Vacation starts now, kinda.

The weekend in the Catskills could not have come at a better time! Hanging out with nine other lovely, great friends was definitely needed while Jesse was in a time zone difference of 14 hours. Here are some things that happened:

• "Why is everybody going to the Catskills this weekend?" - traffic talk in the girls car made up of Kells, Jen, and myself.
• I didn't know that going to the Catskills entailed going through New Jersey. Guess where we hit traffic?
• Sometimes when you start out tagging things on Instagram and Twitter with #vacationstartsnow it kind of just sticks for the entire weekend.
• Oh, this is where we hung out all weekend, it was PRETTY OKAY:

[Photo by Lyndsay]

• Driving up the winding mountain roads and taking in the beautiful but sometimes horror-movie-esque surroundings, it was no surprise when the nearest location tag at the cabin was "Abduction Barn." Makes sense.
• Our party consisted of four couples and Gaby and me. Gaby and I bunked in the 'kids room,' it was cool.
• Also, two dogs. Pegs and Riggins, both adorable with various sweaters worn throughout the weekend:

[Photo by Kells]

• Everyone was delegated a meal to prepare. Since I don't prepare many meals and certainly not for ten people and was one of the non-couples, I pitched in with what I knew: chips, salsa, dip, meats and cheeses, and six bottles of champagne with which to make mimosas in the morning. Plus, I'm really good at doing the dishes.
• Most everyone went skiing on Saturday. I lack any talent in skiing or general coordination so I cozied up with the other three left behind for a day of pure relaxation -- painting nails, 21 Jump Street, general true crime shows on cable, cleaning the kitchen, and sporadic napping.
• GAMES! We all played many, many games as the snow fell near constantly outside. From psychological games like Mafia to old classics like Celebrities (aka Notables aka Characters aka Inside Jokes aka Benjamin Netanyahu Smoke Signals) -- all were fun in this group. If anyone can find a game to play, it's Jon Cheese.

[Lyndsay and Gaby playing Mafia]

• A lot of people know how to cook really well, and it was a delectable weekend when it came to the meals and I'm thinking of trying to kickstart cooking at home... maybe a weekly recipe or something. Props to Dan, Lyndsay's husband, for spending more than an hour cooking the most elaborate and delicious meal (the first photo in the post, Dan is at the far head of the table).
• I found out what an NBA all-star dunk contest entailed.
• Since only one bottle of champagne was used the first morning, I think you can guess as to how we really went for it with the mimosas on the second morning.
• I finally learned what the heck the 'Harlem Shake' phenomena was -- video doesn't work at work, and I'm too impatient after work on my computer...honestly, I started watching two different Harlem Shake videos last week and stopped them five seconds in. Obviously this was the wrong tactic if I really wanted to figure out what they were all about. Good thing Erica filled me (and some others) in.
• The weather was bitter cold on Sunday; too cold for the adventurers to go ski. Thus, after a long and lingering brunch with all those mimosas and bloody marys, we played more games.

[Never NOT a good time.]

• We also watched 21 Jump Street -- again. 
• We may or may not have filmed a Harlem Shake video.
• Writing down stuff legibly in your journal becomes proportionally more difficult the more mimosas you've had.
• I snuck off for a clandestine nap.
• When I woke up I decided to put on The Avengers and explained to everyone who Tom Hiddleston was since nobody knew when we had played Celebrities earlier.
• David had an announcement: it was Joseph Gordon-Levitt's birthday. He was happy to declare this, but I was still miffed that nobody knew to guess Joseph Gordon-Levitt during Celebrities previously. Instead there was a lot of Jordan Levi guesses when I listed off his filmography. Like, on the real?
• Kells had packed s'mores for everyone and this led The Men to make sure the firepit was workable for marshmallow-cooking purposes. Of course, this occurred on the evening of the mimosa day (Sunday) and nobody made a s'more outside, instead utilizing the microwave.
• All the guys went "outside firepit" and all the ladies went "inside dance party" on Sunday night. There was so much fun had and I fear incriminating photos and video of all of us dancing to N'Sync, TLC, R. Kelly, Save Ferris, etc., will surface soon. One of us may have been wearing flared jeans.
• We vacated in style the next morning at 10am -- sunglasses positioned, GPS' pointing back to civilization, and with Jen's delicious migas breakfast in our tummies.
• I rode back with Robb and Jen who needed to catch a flight back to California that day, and New Jersey did not fail us with the inevitable traffic. However, after they dropped me off in Brooklyn, they were to the airport just in time!

Jesse and I e-mailed back and forth the whole weekend, and while I wish he had been there with us, I'm glad I have these friends when he can't be around.

Off to a winter weekend!

Even though Jesse will be crossing half the world today -- further away from ME! -- I am grateful to have the great friends here that help distract me from the miles between me and the husband. This weekend ten of us are heading to a cabin up in the Catskills. I've lived in New York for almost seven years now and I've never been to the Catskills! There will be four couples, me, and my friend Gaby. I should be able to update from upstate (ha), and I imagine it will entail a lot of sweatpants, snow, wine, eating, and laughing. This weekend invitation came just in time!

Me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love.

Programming note: the internet at home has been terribly slow for the past week! I am unable to upload photos right now. Will update when I can. Hopefully these words post...

Earlier this week I was talking to one of my friends who is in a relatively new relationship. Her boyfriend asked her if she ever watched porn, and she responded as I think I probably would have -- why watch skeezy videos when I love swooning to Ewan McGregor singing or George Clooney pulling a fully-clothed woman into a bathtub or Tom Hardy in a cardigan (plus their top notch production value)?

And so, on this Valentine's Day, since I will be spending it with my cat on the couch most likely watching Downton Abbey and Girls (check and check, Project Runway is currently on), here is an ode to some great (sexy) characters...

(I promise to update this with photos when I get a chance!)

>> Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth), Pride & Prejudice (BBC miniseries) - I watch this miniseries at least twice a year and it's like six hours long. That's how much it makes me swoon. I also know the DVD chapters that are 'most important.' (DARCY SCENES)

>> Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth), Bridget Jones's Diary - Obviously. Not only is it one of the best rom-coms ever, but it's basically Colin Firth reprising his P&P role.

>> Jack Foley (George Clooney), Out of Sight - hands down the sexiest movie ever. And there's no nudity or sex! But you just watch that trunk scene! You watch George Clooney pull a (surprisingly great) Jennifer Lopez into a bathtub with him while she's fully clothed! It makes no sense but it's sexy!

>> Christian (Ewan McGregor), Moulin Rouge! - that bright, shining face singing about love makes me swoon so hard.

>> Matt (Mark Ruffalo), 13 Going on 30 - Ruffalo is just so understated dreamy.

>> The Piemaker (Lee Pace), Pushing Daisies - the eager eyebrows do it all.

>> Walter Burns (Cary Grant), His Girl Friday - fast talking, LOVE IT.

>> Forrest Bondurant (Tom Hardy), Lawless - cardigans.

>> Eddie (Hugh Jackman), Someone Like You - I don't think many people have seen this rom-com, but YOWWWW Hugh Jackman in boxers!

>> Laurie (Christian Bale), Little Women - Bale has done many a swoon-worthy movie, but it all goes back to Laurie!

>> Hopsy (Henry Fonda), The Lady Eve - what a lovable buffoon!

>> Robert Downey, Jr in everything - because his charm extends everywhere!

>> Trent (Sam Rockwell), Lawn Dogs - little gem that made me fall for Rockwell.

>> BOTH Jesse and Celine in Before Sunset - because that chemistry! Their conversations; his smile, her accent.

>> Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), Silver Linings Playbook - I think I fell in love with her during the movie.

I could probably keep going...but I should STOP! Do you have any swoon-worthy characters you turn to when you need a romantic boost?

And if you need an injection of emotion tonight, here is a great and VERY SHORT but entirely AMAZING short story by Mary Robison called "Yours." It's wonderful, I promise.

I do miss Jesse. He is in Minneapolis and heads overseas tomorrow. We don't make much of a to-do about Valentine's Day, and he's usually traveling anyway. I'll tell you this much - he makes me feel loved and special most days of the year. I feel lucky and grateful every day... all those characters above are just characters, I got the real thing. Smiles! Happiness! Hooray!

And, finally, my Valentine's Day tradition, re-sharing Kelly's Christmas card from 2004 with you. Happy Valen-Mimes Day!

I wander aimless, leering at strangers.

It's about that time again. Yes, we're a week and one day into my separation from Jesse, and no, the stagnant heated arms of the obliterating humidity aren't replacing Jesse's as I fall asleep. It happens this way. There's much to do, but my mind wanders like it sees a bright, shiny object to the west, and that would be my husband. So I drift into silences sometimes, staring out a window like I'm in a Sofia Coppola movie - pensive muteness, great soundtrack - and I think about him. We'll be together soon, but it's kind of one of those recurring and familiar feelings when he's gone away. It's not horrible, but I find myself sighing a lot.

The swell part is that he's there when I reach out for him - not physically, of course, but somewhere there. Invisible lines stretching until our voices or words connect. He's always there.