Jessica Thinks She Can Cook 002

As you may remember from the first installment, reading and interpreting recipes FOR ME is similar to other people reading a foreign-language book with a dictionary. My dictionary is Google. And sometimes Amazon.

Last week I wanted to make a cauliflower-crusted pizza. In order to do so, I needed to stick some cauliflower in the food processor and then microwave it into a softness that would eventually be doughy. The next step of the recipe was apparently critical; here it is verbatim: Place the cooked cauliflower on a tea towel and roll it up then squeeze out as much of the water as possible…and I mean really, really squeeze as you want it as dry as possible.

I'm sure you're reading that direction and know exactly what to do.

I read it and I said out loud to myself, "I don't have no fancy tea towel!" and proceeded to spend close to 40 minutes and a whole roll of paper towels drying out the cauliflower.

THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A TEA TOWEL LOOKED LIKE.

After de-watering the cauliflower rather painfully (it was also HOT!), I added the rest of the ingredients, spread the 'dough' on the pizza stone, and proudly stuck that sucker in the oven. I then set the timer, washed the used dishes, and turned to my phone to purchase a damn tea towel on Amazon.

And that's when I realized what a tea towel was, after an Amazon search.

It's just a kitchen towel, guys.

You guys.

I'm an idiot. You're welcome.

I made the pizza again last night! With brand new tea towels! Both times it was delicious, but the second time I was just so much more satisfied. Plus, it didn't take as long.

Until my next pathetic kitchen blunder, au revoir!

This was the second installment of Jessica Thinks She Can Cook. (001)