How I Met My Husband (Part II)

[Continued from Part I]

After Bamboozle, our friends in Monty Are I played the afterparty at the School of Rock, where I can't even begin to count the many things that happened (nor should I), but at one point my boyfriend at the time, Steve, did introduce me to Jesse from Motion City Soundtrack. I remained quiet, again. When we left and I was talking to Erica, I said, "Oh, Steve introduced me to Motion City's keyboardist," Erica said, "I wouldn't even know what that guy looks like." We laugh about this, a lot. One of the reasons that Erica and I became fast friends is because we liked a lot of the same bands. We had taken a trip up to Worcester a few months before Bamboozle to see Motion City play at the Palladium, where we cemented our bond bouncing around and singing to their songs.

Cut to January 2007, and I'm meeting up with my now ex-boyfriend Steve, at our usual Tuesday night bar back then - Black & White. You should know that in January 2007, I had my own personal "Anti-Dudes Month" crusade after being burned by a rather worthless specimen of the male species. I declared a non-dating clause into my life for one month. Anyway, Steve walks in and we catch up, and I notice Jesse in the corner of the bar and I tell Steve. Steve engages Jesse in a conversation and then introduces me again. This time it sticks - kind of. I start talking to Jesse about what he's doing in town and we talk about how Motion City is recording their next album in New York with Adam Schlesinger, Eli, and Ric Ocasek. I decide to introduce him to my bestie Jiscilla while I talk to another dude there. Twenty minutes later I turn around and Jesse has taken off his button-up shirt, his tie, and baseball cap and put them on Jiscilla. They're flirting, and I'm smiling. They exchange info and we all head home for the night.

A week later, in February, the girls and I are at a Cartel afterparty; I had just met the band while shooting their music video for "Say Anything (Else)" (see it &me! here). At the party, I ran into Jesse, who was meeting up with MCS' booking agent, who also booked Cartel. I decided to tell him the truth - "I love your band. I was at one of your shows before your Epitaph debut. I have gone to nearly every concert you have played in New England. Just wanted to tell you that." He laughed and said he was on his way out, and then I made sure to tell him that Jiscilla was about somewhere, and went on my way since I was kind of on a date that night. I had no romantic intentions for Jesse at all (I think that's obvious with my decidedly uncool confession), but the next day I messaged him and we decided to keep in touch in case anything fun came up, and we'd let each other know.

The next week I was out with my friend Mike to see Evil Dead: The Musical, when I got a text from Jesse asking if I was doing anything. We were, in fact, going to Brooklyn to meet up with Erica and Jiscilla, then heading to Royal Oak and then Capone's to meet up with the beloved Team Couch boys. I told him as much, and when I got to the apartment I asked Jiscilla if her phone was working because Jesse texted me. I was confused.

I texted Jesse back about our plans and that Jiscilla would definitely be with us. I was, clearly, a little thick on the subject (who wouldn't be?). Anyway, Jesse met up with us and the fun continued into the night. He stayed mainly by Jiscilla's side, but we were all having fun. At one point, in the little dug-out room at Capone's, I leaned over to my friend Megan and said, "Jesse's a lot of fun...and I know he's into Jiscilla and they're really cute and whatever, but...I call second dibs." We laughed about this line then, it seemed so absurd.

The gang at Capone's that night.

Megan, me, Jesse.

Jesse teaching me to tie a cherry stem with my tongue. Honestly, looking back at these pics. I maybe should have gotten a clue that he had a thing for me, too.

That was Friday. On Sunday Jesse came back out to Brooklyn to chill at the Alligator Lounge with us, and Jiscilla was not in attendance. Jesse was legitimately this fun, gregarious presence that guaranteed a good time. We figured out we were going to the same shows and parties that week, too, so we'd be seeing each other a lot. Erica and Jesse bonded over playing Buck Hunter, and once while they were doing that I went to the bar to grab a round when a guy struck up a conversation with me. He was nice enough, so I told him I was in the back room with my friends if he wanted to talk. He came back briefly and we exchanged e-mail addresses or something like that. Later that night, Erica told me that Jesse had said, "This dude's ruining my game." I definitely went to bed confused that night.

The next Tuesday, Erica, Jesse, and I made plans to meet up before the Matches show. After work, I met Jesse at the studio where they were recording with Adam & Eli. They played me some snippets of songs that would become Even if it Kills Me and I was definitely trying to hold it down and act cool, even though I was really excited to be listening to it. Jesse and I got in a cab and headed downtown to meet up with Erica for dinner. There was a lot of traffic that afternoon, and Jesse and I sat in the cab, alone together for the first time, and the conversation didn't stop. For some reason we were telling each other things we considered important, or relevant to who we were. I had this need for him to know me, and I think he felt the same way. We also laughed and joked and I felt completely comfortable. It's hard to explain that cab ride, but I know that when I stepped out onto the sidewalk, things were a little different. I believe my thoughts went something like this: "Oh crap. I like him. Oh crap. Oh crap. Squeeeeeee."

That night we ate dinner with Erica, rocked out at the Matches show, and went to Black & White. I had to come clean towards the end of the night. Erica and I were about to leave and I told Jesse, "By the way, I like you. Just letting you know that." He smiled imperceptibly, we hugged and I said goodnight.

The night I told him I liked him.

I talked to Jiscilla the following day, a little scared that she might have a real big problem with me crushing on the fellow she had been flirting with. But as fortune goes, she said if I genuinely liked him I should go for it. And so, Jesse and I continued to hang out with our group of friends nearly every night. Soon after, he asked me out on a date for Tuesday, February 27th, 2007. He wanted to take me to his favourite Italian restaurant, Lil' Frankies.

One year later, he took me there again for our anniversary, and he proposed spending our lives together, and as you know, I said yes.

---

So, if you were to say that back when I was in college and staring at Motion City for the first time, that the guy making me laugh with his keyboard handstands would be The Dude, I wouldn't believe you. If you told me that that guy who brushed me off coolly was the one who would design me the perfect, handcrafted engagement ring I wear every day, I wouldn't believe you. If you told me that that man whose band I loved, that man who hit on my best friend, that man whom I couldn't seem to keep anything from - that he would be the one I would would be walking towards down the aisle? I wouldn't believe you for a second.

How I Met My Husband (Part I)

I started writing this post months ago; it's been sitting in my drafts and not until now did I feel ready to really share it, as we jet off to who-knows-where. But while I'm gone, please revel in the barftime I leave you --

It is wrong, then, to chide the novel for being fascinated by mysterious coincidences (like the meeting of Anna, Vronsky, the railway station, and death or the meeting of Beethoven, Tomas, Tereza and the cognac), but it is right to chide man for being blind to such coincidences in his daily life. For he thereby deprives his life of a dimension of beauty.

The above quote is from my [then] current reading selection, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, by Milan Kundera. The excerpt, and general concept in its context, really stood out for me during my reading and I have to agree - in a book filled with somewhat devestating views on relationships, I smiled here because I link coincidences in my mind all the time. And I think the first time Jesse made me smile is because he let me know that he does, too. The quote reminded me of Jesse, and our beginnings, and how he always goes over that if this didn't happen and that didn't happen, we wouldn't have happened as we did, which is to say, perfectly. I know I've never really shared how Jesse and I met, and that's because it's a somewhat complicated and long story, spanning years and many, many coincidences.

And they really are everywhere.

In early 2003, somebody invited me to see The All-American Rejects at Axis on Landsdowne Street in Boston. To this day, I don't remember who this person is - and I've asked all my friends. Perhaps it was an acquaintance; the fact that I can't remember this simple fact is telling in a story where I remember nearly every detail. I'm a big Rejects fan, and their direct support for the show was one Motion City Soundtrack. I rarely get into opening bands I've never heard of. However, that night, I'm absolutely mesmerized and then I'm shaking my head side to side and dancing. After they finish, I make it over to their merch table asking for their album only to be told that it hasn't been released yet; it won't be out for a few months. I'm handed a two-song sampler with "The Future Freaks Me Out" and "My Favorite Accident." I play them on repeat, spread the songs to my friends, and buy their debut album I Am The Movie later that year.

The next year, I'm interning for a music magazine in Boston and see that MCS is headed back into town. I ask my boss if I can interview them for the magazine. I get set up to interview their lead singer, and am nervous, as I'm new to this stint. Justin was a great interview, if a bit all over the place, but I felt accomplished once done, and I went down to visit my friend Ben at the lightboards to watch the show. I enjoyed their live show all over again, and went back upstairs to the backstage area afterwards to see if I could get a picture and maybe some reactions to the Boston crowd from Justin. Instead I run into some people from the opening bands, and the keyboardist Jesse, whose name I knew given my extensive pre-interview research. He was playing dice with two friends and I decided to take a picture, at which point he looked up at me and asked if I wanted to watch or play. I told him I was looking for Justin, and he shook his head and said he didn't know. He seemed annoyed for having interrupted his game. In retrospect, it was very Mr. Darcy-esque in the sense of being sized up and brushed off. And isn't that how coincidences usually work? In retrospect? Well, I still have that picture, and it was taken on Ben's camera.

And here it is. Jesse and his friend Abe, backstage, playing dice, and me being a weirdo and snapping the pic. Jesse has no recollection of this moment, of course.

I wrote a raving and quite wince-inducing review and interview on MCS for the magazine (I was so young! I will not link it!), but it definitely mentioned the handstanding powers and the brilliant live performance. They ended up on the cover mainly because they had just announced that their next album would be Mark Hoppus' debut producing effort and I worked that angle in my write-up. However, they wouldn't have even been in the magazine if I hadn't asked my boss to interview them.

The next year at Warped Tour, I was hanging out in North Hampton, Massachusetts with my then-boyfriend Steve who was also playing the tour as the lead singer/guitarist of Monty Are I. We saw Jesse by the MCS merch tent and Steve walked over to say hi, as they'd apparently met during the tour, and I was introduced but kept quiet given our last encounter. Jesse tossed me a free shirt and went on his way after a few words with Steve.

Jesse only remembers how muddy it was that day.

This is what Erica and I looked like in 2005.

I remember lurking Justin Pierre as he watched TREOS play the Ernie Ball Stage before Monty Are I went on.

Jesse gave me the black tee - and I bought the striped one.

The next year - yes, every year for four years we encountered each other - my new friend Erica and I drove to Bamboozle in New Jersey to see Steve and Monty Are I, as well as the slew of awesome bands playing...

[Stay tuned tomorrow for the wrap-up in Part II!]

Love is just a piece of time in the world.

I think there's a certain type of dude who's into that quirky girl in movies - the Zooey Deschanels, the Natalie Portmans. I've got nothing against these guys or their objects of affection. I think there's something far more disconcerting about men that are into Megan Fox over the quirky girls. However, in a similar vein, these guys may just be holding the bar a little high for finding these perfectly weird girls in real life.

I remember when Garden State came out, and all of a sudden Natalie Portman's character was every one of my close guy friend's dreamgirl. Because she was all indie with headphones and when she got sad it was cute.

I saw 500 Days of Summer this weekend with Jesse, and I can see why some guys want to see this movie for all the camera love bestowed upon Zooey. However, it also kind of demystifies and breaks down all the quirky girlness and extricates (literally in a split-screen) the expectations from the reality. Your perfect girl is not perfect, your perfect dude is not perfect. And like the tagline reads, the movie is not a love story - it's a story about love.

I really enjoyed 500 Days, and not only because it kind of shows that a person's dreamed-up ideal may not be as amazing as you would think, but because it extends those thoughts of reality through to relationships and love. The story revolves around the specific relationship between Tom and Summer, but there was enough there to recognize similarities in my own past or present ones. There was something specifically mentioned in the end, in which Jesse and I turned to each other and kind of smiled. That part was true, at least for us.

The movie could be a little heartwrenching at times, but it was mostly funny. As much as it reminds you of the crap parts of relationships, it also reminds you of the good stuff. The feeling of a mutual smile or thought, the feeling of requiting a crush, or the feeling of keeping a good moment always (see also: "Everlong" by The Foo Fighters).

Can I also say that I loved Joseph Gordon Levitt and Zooey Deschanel? Capital performances - perfectly captured each of their characters. I envision big things for Levitt; he's known for 3rd Rock from the Sun, but has been showing up in all these little indie movies like Brick, and each time his abilities shine through. And I've always loved Zooey, since she played The Enemy's big sister in Almost Famous. Perfectly cast here.

All in all, a refreshing movie that takes some fun risks with the writing and directing. And like those quirky girls, not perfect, but love to watch just the same.

From this moment on I know...

This morning I woke up at 4:45 am. I usually don't wake up in the middle of the night. I reached out to my phone and saw I had an email. It had been sent about six minutes prior and it was from Jesse. He had landed in Japan! I signed online and we had a nice little video chat from halfway across the world at 4:45 am my time, 6:45 pm Japan time. I was pretty much half-asleep, but it was good to feel connected even though we're so far away.

Wonder how I knew to wake up?