Monday, November 24, 2008

You're something beautiful, a contradiction.

As somewhat of a film geek, I know that Twilight is a terrible movie. Even giving the film a handicap for its obvious lack of funding (via a small production company, Summit), it's still bad.

But it's also highly enjoyable in two ways: the unintenional HILARITY of the scenes and the undeniable hotness that is Robert Pattinson (Edward Cullen).

Let me explain my Friday journey to see Twilight (yes, it was a trek with many challenges along the route), and how I came to the above conclusions.

Katie Brown and I had bought tickets to see the 1020pm showing of Twilight about two weeks ago. We were, without a doubt, excited. We decided to meet up at 9pm, and I was there on the dot. Katie and some other friends were waiting to leave a restaurant nearby and meet up. I decided to go ahead and try to stake (hahaha, totally unintended!) a place in line, and when I made it to the ticket-ripper, he told me I had to wait until 930 downstairs. I went down a level of escalators to find a slew of females who were also waiting for the 1020 show - we are an eager, over-punctual bunch.

As I was standing there by myself, constantly texting Katie updates, I noticed that nearly the entire group was female, but of all different backgrounds. Young, teen, middle-aged, old. A woman in a nice business suit with an expensive-looking coat and scarf made nice with me after I let her know that this was the place to wait, and she started talking about how she just got off work and she read the book on Monday and loved it. She then proceeded to take what sounded like a very important business call. In the space of ten minutes, the 2nd floor waiting area became packed into concert-like proportions. One of the escalators was stopped, so people started forming a line. I got cut by everyone (including nice business woman!) in the rush. In line behind me, a teenage girl actually holding the Twilight book (who brings the book??), asked me in a sheepish tone if I'd read all the books. She smiled, hugging her book, and said she'd read them several times and she was so excited for the movie. Honestly, it's kind of awesome in this city when you're not annoyed to be talking to strangers. Everyone was obviously there with a common love, and we all smiled together and put on brave faces when those who were seeing Role Models or Quantum of Solace smirked at us. Not to say that those girls couldn't get territorial with the line - geez.

Let me tell you, ladies and gentleman, that I am a maven of theatergoing. Whenever I move to a new place, I check out all the theaters and rank them based on picture/sound quality, stadium or non-stadium seating, concession prices, etc., etc., etc. Which is how I knew that there was a balcony in auditorium four, and that most people didn't know how to get to it until they were in the downstairs area and realized there was a balcony. I was near the back of line at the ticket-ripper, but found myself first in line upstairs by the balcony doors - yes! (There was running involved, all for naught, but I did also get an adrenaline rush because I'm THAT nerdy - don't judge.) Katie and friends, who were still held up at the restaurant, had a good sentinel saving them a place whether it be in line or throwing coats on chairs. And when they did show up, we all had great center-of-the-screen seats!

And so the movie began.

I'll say that having to sit through a crap movie is far better than having to read crap writing. Therefore, I say it now: I liked the movie better. Especially because the crap movie was so funny. There were times where the entire theater of Twilight addicts was hysterically laughing. Which, is fun. There were parts that were meant to be funny, but I think in a different way than we found it. Like when Edward first sees Bella in science class and his aversion to her is so dramatic, you're wondering why everyone in the class isn't more freaked out by the fact that he looked like a drug addict going through the middle of Bio 101. And there's an entire scene, where the truth about Edward's vampire-ness finally comes to light, and it's just downright ridiculous. I can't even explain how much I laughed...and this was also the scene in which Edward stood in the sun and "glittered." It was disastrous - it looked like he was wearing the diamond creme from Arrested Development, and I was laughing to the point of tears. I think everybody else was, too. The special effects were awful, but I'm okay with that because I know it was a budget movie. I'm not sure if that also explains why the make-up was also bad, but whatever. The vampires looked far more "pasty" than "transluscently pale and beautiful."

The general story was true to the book, but there were some additions that helped the flow of the movie, though I was disappointed to see the second-to-most action-packed scene in the book cut (the airport scene where Bella sneaks away from Alice and Jasper was not in the movie, her escape is much less dramatic). I was happy that I didn't have to hear one utterance of the word "dazzling" !!!!!!! The writing itself wasn't far better than Meyer's original, but I call it a vast improvement because I don't have to read Meyer go on and on and ON about Edward's beauty. It's all there - I see it!

And boy, did I. I had no idea who Robert Pattinson was going into the movie - simply never seen him in another movie before, though I heard he was in a Harry Potter. He now makes me want to take up watching those movies, though I never have. He's quite amazingly gorgeous. His accent as Edward is a bit stilted - I think he's British - but I wasn't too distracted by it, because Edward is supposed to have some sort of weird, age-identifying accent anyway. He's not the best actor, but I thought his Edward quite charming nonetheless. Let's just say I definitely swooned. Katie found me fanning myself quite a few times during the movie and I would say, "That man is way way too hot." No seriously, I did this. And I shared with Katie that I think Pattinson looks best in jackets. Yup. Also, Edward and Bella's chemistry was pretty good; it's a crucial part of the story, so I was glad to see the tension. Like the book, there is no sex and only a couple of brief (but intense!) kisses. Well done, in that respect. I enjoy romantic tension.

Bella! I'm still not quite sure how Meyers managed to make the protagonist of her book so hated by so many, but she really is annoying in the books. In the movie: so much better. I don't have to hear all the inner-whining she does in the book, and she actually makes a lot more sense on the screen - she's not pathetic. Even with her voice-over narration! In fact, I identified with her more in the movie than the novels. This may also be due to Kristin Stewart, who I think did a fantastic job. There's one scene at the end where her acting is just too over-the-top and bad, but for the most of the movie, I think she was great. I'd say the best actor in the bunch.

Trust me, there are some redeemable aspects of the movie, but for the most part, it's a bad movie. At the same time, it's SO GOOD. There was never a moment in which I was bored, even if I was laughing at how bad it was: I enjoyed it a lot, and sometimes that's all I need out of a movie.


  1. HAHA best part was totally when he sees her in the science class and looks like he's having internal seizures. Also LOVED the part in the kitchen at the Cullen's when Emmett waves the knife at her. So great. I was also super shocked by the diversity in the theatre. Overall I agree that the movie was WAY better than the book.

    Oh and body glitter. OK.

  2. man, I think I'm the only person in the world that thinks that dude is U G L Y (he aint got no alibi)
    He ugly!


  3. This is the best review I've read about this so far! I am sooo glad that you're kind of in the same boat as I am - not being blinded by the story enough to not notice how silly it all is. But yay to being a nerd and seeing the movie! I'm glad it was good, now I'm a bit more excited to see it. Also, I have to admit that my main motivation for seeing it is that screen shot of them both in blue where they're about to kiss. SO HOT!

  4. I'm the opposite in this case, I enjoyed the bad but enjoyable book over the bad, but enjoyable movie! Haha. I don't know, for me there were so many cringe-worthy moments whereas when reading the book, I could imagine things differently. The movie felt soooo rushed that I don't think we got a feel for any of the characters, Bella and Edward included. But I think you're right about Kristen's over the top acting in the end, hospital bed scene right? Highlights of the movie for me were Muse and Radiohead, hah.

  5. Was not a great movie but entertaining.

  6. Way to out nerd all of us, Jessica. You've really come to embrace nerdiness, doing so with grace, and skill. It's awesome. High five.

  7. Yes, GREAT review. I haven't seen it but I've read the books and I will see it soon. I am laughing out loud at your Arrested Development diamond lotion reference. I can't wait to see that part.

    Well. Played.

  8. oh man I cant wait till the movie opens here.
    I saw the sparkle scene on you tube and just laughed on how bad it was...
    I know I will hate/love the movie just like you

  9. kristen - yeah! somebody agrees with me about the movie being better! what's with all these ppl thinking the book is a freakin' classic? COME ON!

    beth - you're probs not. but the dude has charisma. say what you will about his looks, but combine that with his swagger (oh yes, he most definitely has a swagger) and you've got *@# dream gold!

    adriana - yeah! thanks! definitely see it, and swoon. :)

    jessica - the hospital bed scene was atrocious; i was so into her and then i was like ack! what are you doing?! and when muse came on during the baseball scene i was like, "perf." (and like i always say around these parts - everybody's opinion is respected!)

    dr. zibbs - hi! entertaining for sure.

    james - hahahahaha. wait until game of thrones is on HBO. just. wait.

    bethis - it's been years, and still the image of tobias in the diamond creme cracks me up!

    chele - so bad it's good! soooo bad it's sooooo good :)

  10. Well said parker. (it took me over a week to find the time to read this)

    The movie was bad/good, good/bad...I totally get why you like it more. I personally was a fan of the book cause I'm the kind of person that likes every single whiny detail and am not bothered (as much) about the awful writing.