Monday, May 11, 2009

Keanu Robot.

Keanu Robot
2008 - 2009

[Also known as: Kennaner, Keanz, Keannanu, K-Bot]

This is quite a difficult post to write. I've been absent for a little over a week, and now you'll understand why.

On Friday May 1st, I came home from work to feed the cats and as I looked down I noticed that Keanu's right eye was clouded. Keanu had been acting strange all week - he didn't want to play, he was lethargic, and his happy little curiosity seemed to have disappeared. He wasn't purring. And I was confused, but attributed this all to the fact that Jesse had left the previous week, and Keanu hung out with Jesse all day every day for the most part - until he left, and I worked all day. I realized on that Friday afternoon that this wasn't Keanu stricken with a bout of missing Jesse; this was actually something.

I dropped everything and headed out to our vet's office. They took a look at him and couldn't conclude anything, but gave him antibiotics and eyedrops. Jesse returned that Saturday and took him for his followup on Monday, where he hadn't improved, and so Keanu got some bloodwork done. On Wednesday he came back positive for the coronavirus - something many cats have, but in rare cases mutates into something called feline infectious perontitis (FIP). FIP is a fatal, incurable disease. That night, the vet called again to confirm that Keanu had tested positive for FIP.

Of course, Jesse and I were left heartbroken. Jesse was in an airport in Dallas flying back to LA when he got the news. I was, luckily, with friends whose presence comforted me greatly. The vet directed us to a cat internist at another hospital, so I took Keanu there last Friday, where I was told that Keanu's rate of deterioration (he can hardly see anymore, his bones are protuding because of all his lost weight, and his strength is not what it used to be) along with his positive test results confirmed our fears. We had to put Keanu to sleep, because he was dying. Our little Keanu Robot. I called our vet and made an appointment for today, Monday afternoon.

Jesse decided to fly back this past Saturday to be with us, given that I would not be able to do this horrid task on my own. And so we spent the weekend with Keanu. The internist gave us some steroids for Keanu to live out the last few days more comfortably. We spent as much time as possible with him, helping him to his food, his litter box, jump off the couch without falling, etc. He's still a lovely little boy who cuddles with us and nuzzles our noses.

It's obviously been a shock to Jesse, me, and all of our friends and family. I'm sure regular readers here know how much we love Keanu. And there's something so utterly depressing about having to be the one to decide this creature's fate - or, rather, to know what we have to do. One week he's fine, the next week he's been sentenced - and he's only ten months old. Jesse and I both talked about this shock; about how we both imagined moving into a house together in our future with an adult Keanu Robot, ready for an adventure. That's all been dashed, but we're staying positive. Keanu's deterioration and waning quality of life also made it apparent what is necessary - I just want that little guy to be peaceful, and happy.

My friends and family have been so great. My sob-filled phone calls to my parents were met with understanding and comforting words. My friends have all stood by me while Jesse was out of town; particularly Adam and James for helping me get Keanu to the hospital on Friday and supporting me through another round of bad news and crying, and Erica for being a grand roommate as well. Jesse and I love and appreciate them all in their support.

I've stayed away from the internet for the most part, and this blog, but writing it out now has helped me find closure on this sadness. Thank you for letting me impart all this.

Our final trip to the vets was emotional. The doctor and nurses were attentive and sympathetic, and Keanu was sedated and then peacefully went to sleep. Jesse and I had each other there to hold on to, and we whispered sweet things to Keanu as he passed. I don't know what I would have done without Jesse there to comfort me. I'm still a bit of a mess, and he holds me tight and lovingly, though I know he's feeling the same way. This was the hardest thing I've had to do in my short life, and I know I face even harder decisions and times in the future. However, it's good to know that I have Jesse, my family, and my friends to surround me when facing obstacles.

Keanu Robot is somewhere better now. I know we had to let him go, and we are just glad to have loved him so dearly and feel that love reflected back from his tiny, little self. We'll remember his love of sleeping on Jesse's booty and my chest; the way he first jumped up the daunting apartment stairs; the way he would meekly meow for food; and so on. Tonight we're going to celebrate his short life with a drink with friends, and a toast.


The two above are from Keanu's first night!

Adam took this wonderful photo.

Tiny butt always demanding food.











Keanu and his wonk eye a few days ago.

Keanu and Jesse.

My two boys this morning.



<3

40 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry you guys. This post had me crying. I lost my dog I had since I was in grade school last summer. I know how hard it is to lose a part of your family.

    I'll be thinking of you guys <3

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  2. Oh Jessica, I'm really sorry!!! :( When you hadn't posted for a few days, I had a feeling this might be what it was about. Truly sorry.

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  3. oh my gosh girl! i am so sorry to hear about this. big internet hug for you.

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  4. i am so sorry jessica. i know how much both of you loved that little kitten. i am sure he was just like a little child to you guys. have been thinking of you since your last twitter, and worried for you guys. so sad to hear this is what was the cause of it.

    much love and good thoughts. <333

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  5. aww jessica i'm so sorry. he was such a cutie.

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  6. oh no! :( ohh, i'm so so sorry :( :(

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  7. I'm very sorry. :( I know it is so hard to lose a beloved family member. Our family dog is starting to deteriorate. He was given to us as a puppy by my best friend (the one who died in Afghanistan). The thought of him being gone makes me feel like I'm losing the last hold I had on her. Not to mention that he has been a wonderful dog and member of our family.

    I'm sorry you have had to go through this and lose your sweet Keanu. I will miss seeing his face in your pictures. (((((hugs)))))

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  8. I'm so sorry girl. I lost my kitty a few years ago (liver disease) and it's always hard putting a pet to sleep. At least take comfort in the fact that you gave Keanu all the love and happiness in the world in his short life, and that it made a difference.

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  9. Oh my gosh I am so sad for you guys! :-( This really sucks. Sorry you had to do this - I'm glad your Jesse was there with you.

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  10. Saying goodbye to a pet is so, so hard. There's no bad memories, only the unconditional love they provided. Hugs.

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  11. I'm so so sorry for your loss- it was always so apparent how much you loved this kitten! :( This really sucks, I'm glad you have Jesse & such a close group of friends to support you.

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  12. i was so upset to hear about this. :( although i only got to meet keanu once, i always loved reading about him and hearing about all of his antics.

    i'm so inspired by your strength in dealing with your loss... you articulated your feelings beautifully and this post brought tears to my eyes. (this coming from a girl who has never loved an animal in her life!)

    i'm keeping you and keanu in my thoughts, and in the days to come, i'm going to remember to smile more and keep my head up to honor keanu and the short but incredibly sweet life he lead.

    xo always,
    the little

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  13. i'm so so sorry. losing a pet is so hard, especially when they still have so much life ahead of them. this post was so well written, i tearing up trying not to cry all over my keyboard. i'm so glad jesse was able to be with you and you could spend the weekend with Keanu Robot.

    *hugs

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  14. so sorry jessica and jesse... thinking of you both!

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  15. I am so sad by your lost. I have a cat myself and I'm terrified of the day when I have to part with him. My parents became cat lovers when I saved mine from the streets. They got a kitten themselves from a shelter, only to have it die in a month's time. I know the pain that you're going through. Know that Keanu Robot loved you and Jessie as much as you loved him.

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  16. I'm so sorry Jessica. I glad you and Jesse were able to be together at this very difficult time.

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  17. Oh my god, this has me crying so bad. I am so sorry. <3

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  18. Oh I'm so sorry! I don't know how I would cope if it were my little man (luckily, I was sitting with him while I was reading this and he even let me pet him). Just know that he is in a better place now and that you gave him the best possible life during his short time here. Take care of yourself!

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  19. I'm so sorry for your loss :(

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  20. Jessica, this made me cry. I'm glad you chose to remember him in such a beautiful way. I remember being at your apt when that lil cutie was delivered to you! Love you guys <3.

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  21. So sorry about Keanu, it made me think about Forrest, and as hard as it may be be grateful that you were able to be with him until the end. It still breaks my heart that I couldn't say goodbye...

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  22. oh no. i'm sorry jessica, i know how much you loved keanu.

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  23. oh man, jessica im SO sorry

    i recently had to put my dog from when i was 7 to sleep, its a tough thing but it makes you appreciate your pet way more. definitely hit home and made me shed a tear...

    <3

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  24. I literally have been thinking about him all weekend. I'm so sad for you, Jesse, and Erica. Anyone in his presence completely fell for his charm, and we all loved him so much. You were the perfect mother for him. You gave him the best life, and I'm sure he is so grateful for that. I'm going to miss him terribly.

    And what you wrote was so lovely. My eyes spilled over with tears. ...I love you, lady. Keep your head high.

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  25. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now. I'm really sorry to hear about your lost. After I read your post I couldn't wait to get home and see my cat. His name is Icarus, and he's about ten months as well, and kinda looks like Keanu. I'm sincerely sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry.

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  26. i am very sorry to hear/read this, even though it was beautifully written.
    this is one of those situations where there is never going to be something to say to make it all better, but i do offer my condolences. a loss like this is hard, especially so sudden.
    but you gave keanu an amazing home and an amazing life for as long as you could! he's definitely in a better place now, with no pain.

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  27. i knew something wasn't right last week and have been checking back regularly to see if anything was posted... i'm not ever one to pry and offering condolences seemed ever so premature... i'm devastated for your loss and have been crushed by having to put a loved one to sleep as well... remember the good times... he was one happy boy... xxx

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  28. I'm struggling to find the right words over my tears, thank you for sharing your story. A loss like this is never easy to bear, but it is a relief to know that you are surrounded by loved ones to help you get through this. You and Jesse were great parents and gave him the best life possible while he was here. The biggest hugs and condolences to you both.

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  29. so sorry dear. losing a pet is one of the hardest things out there. well, it has been for me, anyways. my best friend's cat actually had the same disease. he lived for about a month though. maybe cause he was a little older (2 or 3, i cant remember) so he was a little bigger/stronger. regardless, so so sad.

    but look at all those amazing pics :)

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  30. I am so sorry hun, this post broke my heart.
    I remember the pain well myself having to put my cat to sleep when I was young and it is heartbreaking.
    Really sad, I am happy you have such great people in your life for support system and loves you very much.

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  31. oh my gosh....When Jesse was out here a few weeks back, we spent a good hour looking at pics of keanu..I can't believe it! I picked Roxy up and hugged her to death--I'm so sorry--i can only imagine how hard it is...especially at 10 months. RIP Keanu!! xoxo

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  32. I know what you're going through and I am so, so sorry for your loss.

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  33. The Empty Cages Collective sends our love and condolences for the loss of our mutual friend. Thank you so much for giving him the love and respect all animals deserve.

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  34. Oh, Jessica. I am catching up on your blog and I am so sorry to read this. He was a gorgeous little guy and I'm so sorry this happened. So sorry.

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  35. Oh no no no.... no, Jessica, I'm so sorry for you guys and your little Keanu.

    I'll give my puppies and extra squeeze tonight & I'm thinking about you guys.

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  36. I'm so so so sorry Jessica. Losing a part of your family is NEVER fun. I don't even want to think about how heartbroken I'll be when it's Eegor's time... ugh. Much love! Keanu is definitely in kitty heaven :]

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  37. That is so sad! Putting a pet to sleep is like losing a member of the family. At least you gave him a good and loving home while he was here. Keanu was a great little cat.

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  38. I'm a bit behind on my blog reading so I just saw this today.

    I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine losing my pets. Little Keanu didn't deserve this (nor did you or Jesse.)

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