Under the Influence.

Dear Jessica,

Hey girl. Hey woman. I've just discovered that your blog still exists two years in the future, and this is good because it has brought me some EVIDENCE.

I know this is about the time that you have probably been getting a lot of that SAD KEANU meme thrown at you. I don't know what exactly a "meme" is or means, but that's what it seems to be called. Dude. You know me. I am not a sad dude. I am mother effin' KEANU REEVES. MY NAME IS KEANU. C'MON. But also, I make awesome movies with awesome stuff in them and make awesome money and read awesome books and I am friends with Jon Hamm and the point is SOMETIMES I LIKE TO HANG OUT ON A BENCH.

Your blog posts of letters from me is EVIDENCE to that.

I just like benches. They are perfect for taking in a book, a drink, a sandwich, and yes, even sometimes to think about life. I abwhore tables. (Is that the right word? That's the word of the day on my toilet paper, I've been repeating it all day and I think that's how it's spelled: abwhore.) At that moment I was not sad, I was thoughtful. Thinking mainly about how good that sandwich I just ate was. All those layers, man. That's what sandwiches are made of. Layers. Like me.

But yeah, so just to let you and your readers know: I am Keanu Reeves, and I am not sad. WHY WOULD I BE.

Regards,

Keanu

PS Please stop telling me my beard is disgusting. Way harsh, bro. I think it looks cool.