Apparently The Day the Earth Stood Still opens today, so Vulture did a Complete Field Guide to the Facial Expressions of Keanu Reeves. Yeah. I would like to say I was sourced on this, but I wasn't. It's hilarious.
And yes, I just may be heading to the theatres this weekend...
Dear Jessica,
I know it's been a couple of months. Sorry. Remember, man? I'm dos years in the future!! My life is insane right now. I would tell you more, but then I'd have to send a message to 2008 me, freak him out, but tell him to seek you out and destroy you. Wait I...am... confused now. That happens when I write too fastly.
Whatever, again sorry I can't come to the wedding. I know you are jealous because I went to Robert Downey Jr's wedding - yeah, in Long Island - but RDJ and I go way back, girl. That dude and I got down in the early 90s. With River.
Why are you so surprised my name is the only name on the Day the Earth Stood Still poster??? So what if Jennifer Connelly's won an award? SO WHAT? I don't care about that "The Academy" hogwarsh. You think River cared? Nope. So I don't. Also, I dominated the MTV Movie Awards in the 90s. Look it up.
Regards,
Keanu Charles Reeves
P.S. Sorry I got angry.
