I don't really need to wonder at all.

Time, like always, moving so fast. The past few weeks glided by and I believe I can't even approach to encapsulate it all with any justice. In an effort to guide myself back to this space of writing, I'll just describe a few things I remember and start anew...
 

Jesse was home and then he was gone again. He's still gone, until May. We had a terribly productive couple of weeks around the house, and soon after he left I fell ill with fever. As he commented, I was doing it wrong by getting sick while he was hundreds of miles away (to include Alaska). It's true, I felt decrepit and wished he could have gotten me soup and hugged me as I shivered. I soothed my cold with four days of television and movies, though. And Pee Wee, always Pee Wee.
 

I must highly recommend:
 

Top of the Lake - the whole miniseries is on Netflix Instant now and if your gut doesn't feel punched a few times during, and then completely disemboweled by the finale, then you're watching it wrong. Jane Campion's beautiful directing and New Zealand scenery juxtaposes against some sinister activity in this crime drama.
 

Hannibal - Bryan Fuller, creator of Pushing Daisies, takes a completely different tone in this tv series about infamous character Hannibal Lecter. It's downright Kubrickian, and the cinematography is lush even when it's dead bodies you are seeing. (I suppose I like seeing beauty in evil things?) Hugh Dancy plays an interesting hero (a bit different than the book's Will Graham), and Mads Mikkelson as Hannibal is creep creep creepy but mesmerizing - as he should be. Most annoying character award goes to Freddie Lowndes, but she's necessary to the story, I suppose.
 

Game of Thrones - Season 3 is already off to a great start, and it's definitely overshadowing any love for Mad Men currently. I thought Mad Men's 5th season was cinematic, bleak, and its best. Its current season is thoroughly uncinematic and just not as compelling as it treads around the same themes. Over on HBO, everything is awesome. I can't even elaborate more than that, but each week it's getting better and better... this finale's going to be a doozy. Trust you me. Also, my tumblr seems to have inadvertantly turned into a sort of Game of Thrones fan blog, because the internet wins.
 

Lust, Caution - Ang Lee's movie was the best movie I saw while sick. I watched some real bombs, as my Letterboxd diary can attest, and Lee's direction always rises above the amateurs. The film also reminded me of what a great actor Tony Leung is, as I loved him and the movie In The Mood For Love (also highly recommend on Netflix Instant).
 

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell - I haven't seen the film yet, but I love the book a lot. I didn't want it to end. It's hard to even explain it, but I would recommend it to everyone.
 

"Still Into You" by Paramore - I've been playing this song on repeat, and I think it's probably this band's best song. I've listened to the new self-titled album a few times, but I always come back to this song because it's so fun and infectious and bright-sounding.
 

I also must mention that my best friend Kelly started a blog called The Sweet Avenue. It's a little spot of love and inspiration and cocktail recipes, which the world could always use, right? Since Jesse is remarkably good at making deviled eggs, he even wrote a quite hilarious post about it. Enjoy Kelly's blog! I certainly enjoy being her taste tester whenever I can be!
 

What else?
 

One night after stretching my body to and fro and up and sideways and making it feel leaden while my mind drifted I sat down and I had a lavender gimlet. Perhaps counterintuitive to all the restorative moves I just spent two hours doing, but a prize of a job well done, too. I had two lovely birds next to me, laughing along, and though my body hurt for days after it was all worth it.
 

I helped future bride Erica with a few wedding crafting projects on two occasions and normally I'm particularly wretched at having to craft, but turns out I'm able to tie twine around invitations, remove wax from old mason jars, and cut triangles out of fabric. I surprised even myself. The excitedly anticipated wedding will be much fun and look great!
 

On the subject of things I don't normally do, I was invited on a day trip to a farm an hour upstate this past weekend. My mother grew up in the rural countryside of Panama, so I've been to farms. And I'm not a fan mostly for the smell but also usually because of bugs and general dirtiness. However, I love animals. And at Glynwood Farm we reveled in lambs, piglets, and baby goats. Baby goats, I love thee and your soft little heads and curious eyes and adorable squeals of joy. I nearly stole one that kept butting my leg...I think it was a secret message to whisk him away in my arms. Alas, I had to say goodbye.

 

Tidbits of other thoughts that traversed my mind in the past few weeks:

 

I learned a friend will be leaving New York for San Francisco, quite abruptly. I think she's about to start a grand adventure.

 

My parents visited New Orleans, a city I've never had the chance to visit, and I'm jealous of all the fun they had.

 

I tried Steve's Mexican Chili Chocolate flavor ice cream and I'm not sure there is any better tasting ice cream than that one right there.

 

Liars are still The Worst, especially when they are making my friends hurt. Related: Harry Crane remains The Worst, too.

 

There's been a significant lack of backgammon since Jesse left, and I'm unamused by the fact that my skills are probably waning without the practice. He will likely win all future matches now.
 

Also in the past four weeks, I went dancing with girlfriends because one of us was unceremoniously dumped, and that's what you do. You dance. (Cue Robyn's 'Dancing on My Own.') And then while bedridden with chills you learn through various text messages that they've gotten back together, and now they're engaged and next day they've been married at city hall. April was most definitely a strange month, and last week probably strangest of all between work and personal maladies and national news. Historically strange, it would seem.
 

Onwards.

In the mist of some sweet afternoon.

Last night I got home from work exhausted; I had even fallen asleep on the subway ride home, my book open in my lap as my head bobbed up and down. Jesse and I ordered arepas and tostones for dinner and then I sequestered myself in our room with Netflix and Pee Wee and chamomile tea.

Since I was sleepy, I wanted a light movie that I may not have to pay attention to completely. I chose Like Crazy, and I chose wrong for a light, romantic movie. After I was fully awaken by that movie, I delved into Take This Waltz. What's weird about these two movies is though entirely different, there were similar themes, or, maybe similar questions raised about relationships, love, 'soul mates,' and romantic decisions. Life decisions, really.

Like Crazy is about an American man and British woman falling in love during college in the United States. They are in love...like crazy. When her student visa runs out, Anna makes the mistake of staying in the U.S. an extra week with Jacob, effectively (and unknowingly to her until it's too late) banning her from re-entering the U.S. The movie is a heartbreaker--their lives must carry on and they have to figure out whether the long distance is worth it if their appeals to the embassy are never approved, if they can circumvent the ban by getting married, and what happens when they become attracted to other people. As someone who has been in long distance relationships, the emotions that come across felt realistic. The ending was ambiguous to a certain extent -- and it made me SAD. All caps sad. But I wonder if it's just me, personally, that is sad. Would someone else watch it and see hope and happiness? I wouldn't call myself a cynic, but when it comes to love and relationships, I'm a realist.

What I liked best about Like Crazy was how the story unfolded -- there was no dialogue or title cards that informed on their decisions or the passing of time. Instead, the movie would just show you. In one scene they're on the phone and she begs a question; you know his answer not because he says anything but because it cuts to him watching someone else leave with a box of things, and then he's on a plane. I enjoyed the way the director revealed these plot points, and how he trusted the audience to discern what had happened on their own.

After the movie was over, I went downstairs and explained everything to Jesse in a big huff and he looked kind of bewildered and then just laughed at me. I trudged upstairs for another movie.

Take This Waltz has been on a few people's top ten lists this year (or, rather, last year's?), and so I knew I had to watch it before I made my own (coming soon!). The film is about Margot, a Canadian woman who lives with her husband Lou, a guy making a cookbook of chicken recipes. Their marriage seems happy if somewhat strange in its cutesy--she speaks to him in a baby voice sometimes ("I wuv you") and sometimes they act like two children playing games in a fort at summer camp. It's the most twee relationship I've ever seen depicted. It was kind of gross.

In the midst of this, Margot meets their neighbor Daniel who flirts with her a whole lot, even though she says she will be faithful to her wonderful husband. She's still curious, though. Let's be honest: Daniel is really, really, ridiculously good looking. Coincidentally last night, Amber was also watching Take This Waltz in her own home and we started texting about the movie (almost as good as watching a movie with my bestie!), and at one point we were just sending emojis to each other about how "balls hot" this guy was. And also, water aerobics.

I digress. So Margot is like, man, my marriage is awesome and I love my husband, and we've been married five years but... Daniel is different. Everybody, I think, can understand that feeling. At least the 'what if?' scenario. I have to be say, I'm not sure this movie would work--that Margot would work with the audience as well as she does--if she was not played by Michelle Williams. Williams is a likable, adorable woman. If Margot was played by someone that audiences didn't like as much, I think she'd come off completely differently, and most audiences wouldn't like her or what she does or this movie, at all.

The ending of this movie made me think of the ending of Like Crazy. I thought it was pretty sad and negative and depressing. There were a couple of things that signified that to me, even though it could be taken as wholly a happy ending. It was written and directed by Sarah Polley, and I enjoyed the movie overall, and liked her focus on Margot and her complexities. There was one particular scene in a cafe (one that made me burst out laughing so that Jesse could hear down below) that seemed so clearly written by and intended for women... it's seductive and funny, and I thought about that scene later during the ending sequences. The two together, the before and after, make me wonder and question--always good when watching a movie.

After the end, though, I did burst out with, "Ugh, RELATIONSHIPS!" I think that's a good reaction to these films. Had these two ended in traditional rom-com fashion, I would not have liked them as much. Who needs to see another tightly sealed happy ending? These movies give much more to work with, since they attempt to ask the audience something about themselves, I think.

Has anybody else watched these movies? I tried not to spoil either of them, but I recommend them. And also feel free to tell me what you thought of the endings. Were they happy or sad? What did you think overall? I'd love to discuss in the comments!

Everything I got in my cabinet brain.

Drinking tea, also part of my prescription.

I'm on day three of antibiotics, and the good news is that the supposed superinfection seems to have abated the pressure in one of my ears. The other ear, not so much.

The bad news is that I cannot visit my family this weekend since the stress of traveling and a party wouldn't be too conducive to the whole 'relaxing' thing I'm supposed to try. It's quite a sad day since a small group of my family from Panama just flew in to stay for the month. I'm bummed I won't be there this weekend, but I will definitely see them when they visit New York later in the month, and hopefully I can get another weekend home.

Still, sadface.

And also, Sickface.

Last night, in keeping with my prescription, my friend Amber came over and we watched The Loneliest Planet which was just added to Netflix Instant. It starts out with a shot that immediately begs about ten questions, and then it's all lush landscapes and eeriness and two or three moments. It's a meditative movie, and one that makes you think afterwards--maybe about relationships or trust or the meaning of being alone. It was okay; beautifully directed, but almost too restrained to fill two hours.

 

There have been a lot of movies I've wanted to see added to Netflix Instant (Oslo August 31st, Take This Waltz, etc.), coupled that with the handful of movies I got for Christmas, and you can probably guess what I'll be doing this weekend. Also, I'll probably finally post about my 2012 in books and film!

Funny story about my desk at home (where I write most of these posts, and where I'm pictured above, last night) -- for some reason my cat Pee Wee just loves to sit in my lap while I do computer stuff. It's real weird. He sits on my lap at other times, but as soon as I'm in my desk chair he scurries over and then jumps right up and usually I have to hold up either his butt or his chin to his comfort (he's a bit spoiled). So here he is last night:

He makes me feel like an evil genius while I read the internet.

He got so mad when I kicked him out so I could type this up! That is all. Here's to Friday and a full recovery this weekend, hopefully!

I kinda think that you get ideas too.

Exactly one week before Christmas I woke up with a sore throat. This is nothing unusual, since I am known in my family as the one who is always sick during holidays. However, two weeks and one day later and I am still sick.

The way Jesse got me to go to the doctor's today was with what may or may not have been a 'pep talk' last Friday night. I had just come back from seeing (a blurry version what with of all the tears gushing from my eyes) The Impossible and we went to a neighborhood restaurant to eat. I did the cough thing I'd been doing and he gave me husband-concerned-face and we discussed how my never-ending sore throat could be tonsilitis. I was like, yeah, maybe, that's fine, whatever, I'm not contagious and I don't have a fever. And then he stops eating and his voice got really low and he says, "you know, you could die from that. You can die from any infection."

Thanks, husband!

So I cough-coughed on the way into the doctor's office today and I don't have strep throat but, hey, let's send away a lab test anyway. The doctor ruled out tonsilitis, but was concerned I may have some sort of 'superinfection' in my throat. Yes, that was the word she used. Superinfection.

Of course when I texted the husband about my supposed diagnosis he goes, "Your Super! Power!" Being sick is my super power, you guys. Don't be jealous.

The good news is that right after that my friend Sean texted me that Baz Luhrmann had stopped him on the street to say hi and that this was something he thought I would enjoy. He was right and I spent the rest of the wait time for my prescription thinking about how to harness the potential of this acquaintance into a dinner with Hugh Jackman and Ewan McGregor. Maybe Jesse can come too if he can hold back the morbid comments on my health.

I should note that the picture above was my only view in the tiny exam room. And that said husband gave me the Diane von Furstenberg purse for Christmas. Maybe I'll keep him and all his jokes after all.