1237

As 2013 comes to a close, I am just thankful and grateful to all the family and friends that populate my surroundings everyday. I'm sitting in a hotel room in Chicago right now with Jesse while he practices for tonight's show, and last week was a wonderful few days spent with my family. These are the important things, and I just feel lucky and beyond fortunate. Here's to the next great year!

And to writing more - thanks for reading my sporadic posts. I'm working on my best of 2013 posts, too. Sometimes I feel a bit boring, but I always like writing.

Happy New Year!

1216

Last night I was supposed to record a podcast with my friend Adam, but that was re-scheduled so all I was left to do was read S, talk to my husband, and have Jiscilla over for the high-minded intellectual viewing of America's Next Top Model (2.0).

+

First, let's talk about that husband that I miss something fierce. Before he left, we were watching The League one night and he noticed that Andre (Paul Scheer's character) had a dice box just like the one he owned! And if you watch that show, you know you want to own anything that Andre owns!* Anyway, I just found this picture in my phone after talking to him last night... we paused the show so he could his best Andre WITH prop:  

And here is Jesse entertaining me last night all the way from Austin, TX. In the second screenshot, the internet had cut out on the bus so that's what was on my screen for a good three minutes. What a jokester.

*No, you don't.

+

I'm off to guest-talk about Friday Night Lights for Adam's Nerd Geek Dork podcast! It's a fun 'cast, and I'll tell you how it goes! I will, no doubt, be embarrassing. So much so, that I may not even link the episode when it goes live, so you should probably follow NGD in order to stay on top of Jessica's (Likely) Embarrassing Moment.

1186

In a Vans store earlier this year.

Tomorrow I fly off to the Vans Warped Tour for four days. I've only ever gone to Warped on day visits to Jesse, so this should be interesting. My brain is telling me to keep a little 'tour diary' via my Tumblr, so keep checking on that if you'd like -- but I make no promises given the lack of internet and cell signal Jesse seems to have every day. I think I'll be doing a lot of people watching, reading, and tetris. So, it might be an incredibly boring 'tour diary.' At least I know I'm going to be seeing Motion City's rad live show every day.

I'm hitting up Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis in that time. I'm quite excited to get to spend time with Jesse, and luckily Warped has a day off on Monday so we'll be able to relax outside of 'camp' for a day! PLUS I get to see fellow MCS Wife / (Warped Wife?) Lindsay! I haven't seen that sweet lady since her wedding last year.

Now it's time to pack my backpack, dry shampoo, and shorts (in every color).

1185

Here are the makings of a great weekend. Told three days after the fact, given recovery time necessary.

First, get your adrenaline going and then get your brain going while moving fast on a train. I left work on Friday 15 minutes before my Connecticut-bound train would be departing Grand Central; luckily there was no ticket line and I rushed onto the train with a nice healthy sheen of sweat. Once settled, I was able to look over five scripts a friend had sent me for critique (and ultimately editing). I love giving my input on this sort of project. I wrote notes all over each version and then compiled an e-mail to the writer/director via iPhone that I was proud to press 'send' on because no matter what direction he chooses I think the final product will be enthralling. I've enjoyed an amateur capacity as an editor and feedback-giver (that is a term I just made up right now, remember I said amateur) for a few friends lately.

Second, continue your journey with good conversation, an impromptu stop and meeting, and surround yourself with great family for dinner. My dad was awaiting me in Connecticut and we began our journey to Massachusetts by recounting each of our experiences with Cloud Atlas, movie and book now that we've both taken in each of them. We stopped along the way at a grocery store to pick up something I needed to make for the next day (still cooking, guys!). While I was perusing, my dad ran into my mom in another section! My mom was just about to leave to meet us at the designated restaurant, with her visiting BFF in tow. We all headed to the restaurant to meet up with my brother and his newly appointed fiance! It was a fun meal, as always with the family. We spent the time catching up, especially on all the impending wedding details!

Third, arrive home only to be surprised by more exciting news. When we got back to the house, my brother's fiance, Katie, disappeared. After putting down my purse, she reappeared with a card and a wine bottle and said "I have something I want to ask you, I'm so excited!" Then I realized that the bottle of red she was waving around had my name on it! And asked me to be a bridesmaid! Next year! AHHHH! It was such a fun moment, we started dancing around in the kitchen after I said yes and I kind of felt like I had just been proposed to again. Obviously, I spent the rest of the evening introducing her to Pinterest. I felt it was my duty.

Fourth, prepare for your mother's preparation and let the party ensue! My mom is a master party planner, and I've been her faithful servant for years. Sometimes I had attitude growing up, but it's a testament that she can direct a few people into creating spectacular parties. On Saturday afternoon their house hosted Travis and Katie's engagement party, so on Saturday morning, we got to work. People started arriving an hour early! It was incredible, having hosted my own parties in New York in which people don't show up until at least two hours after the alloted 'start time' on the invite. We continued rushing around while conversing and catching up with the guests - no more so than my mother who was doing a million things at once. It all came together soon enough, though, and the sangria was flowing and the steaks were cooking on the BBQ. Everybody was congratulating the newly-engaged couple and their friends were arriving in droves. There were lawn games, cake-cutting ceremonies starring my father's sword, delicious meats, and hilarity.

Fifth, end the party traditionally. Parties at my parent's house tend to devolve into the 'young people' playing party games in the basement. And this was no different; perhaps it was the most epic of them all. I joined my brother and his friends for a couple hours of flip cup. You know, the best college drinking game ever. I played my Bachelorette Playlist from weeks ago since it had a party vibe, and you wouldn't believe the amount of men who sang every word of Whitney Houston's "I'm Every Woman." My mother even joined our flip cup game at one point (it's happened before) and around two a.m. we had slowed down immensely. Some couples retreated to their tents in the backyard, and I talked to Jesse on the phone - when I noticed someone puking next to me. They shall remain nameless but Jesse heard my whole, "Wait--what is he doing? What? Oh man...I gotta get out of here." Priceless. And it wasn't the first time one of these parties ended in that way.

Sixth, rest up for a farewell and drop-off at summer camp Warped Tour. My brother was a little worse for wear in the morning, but we all agreed it was a great party. I had to bid adieu to my bro and my future sister-in-law after a creepy conversation about lethal spiders, and I can't wait for the next time we get to hang out. My dad, mom, mom's BFF, and I headed down to Hartford to drop me off at the Warped Tour so I could hang out with Jesse for the day. It was a bummer to say bye to the spectacular family, but I was glad to be sitting next to Jesse. Even if it was in a tiny front lounge of a tour bus.

Jesse 'working.'

Seventh, let the fact that you are hanging out with your husband and good friends overshadow the searing heat and gravel dust in your atmosphere. My best friend Rick, who lives in Las Vegas, happened to be in Connecticut this weekend and he was able to join the Warped experience with friends Jared and Karyn. We rocked out to Motion City Soundtrack's set and then (due to their car) were able to grab dinner with our friends Tyler and Pete from A Great Big Pile of Leaves. Being on tour doesn't necessarily mean party party party when those dudes aren't on stage. In fact, most of the time was spent playing Tetris in the front lounge or sitting in plastic chairs in front of the bus. I had to say goodbye to Jesse after dinner, grabbing a ride home with Tyler back to Brooklyn. It was a fantastic few hours with my husband, we really enjoyed our time together and with friends and I had a smile on my face the whole time. I left not too sad, either, because I'm flying out to see him on Friday for a whole weekend on the Warped Tour.

Just fangirling my husband, don't worry about it.

RICK: BFFs since we lived across the hall from each other freshman year! We've taken this photo many times.

Eighth, make sure to get one last photo of Tyler as he drops you off at 1:30 in the morning:

Stars may collide.

There are about five unfinished blog posts written over the last two weeks in my drafts folder. I looked over them as pieces of a puzzle for the time that passed; they don't really make sense together, but I'll put them together anyway. Consider it a digest of what I would have posted over the weeks. Maybe the end synthesis will bring some sort of connected message through the chaos. Maybe it will just be a jumble of brain thoughts from my noggin' that don't mean a gosh darn!

-----

My friends in A Great Big Pile of Leaves released their second album today last week, and much like their first, it's brilliant. You're Always On My Mind is a summer fun album and I hope you listen and enjoy because only awesome people will, and I trust that anybody reading here is awesome.

I'm glad such a great group of guys actually makes good music; it would be sad to tell you about crappy music. Instead, I feel very altruistic in my promotion of them to you. You're welcome!

Also, Pitchfork posted about them. As Ty Ty, friend and AGBPOL drummer would say, "BOOM!"

iTunes / Amazon / Sweet Topshelf Vinyl Package!!!!

-----

When Jesse first told me his band would be on the entire Warped Tour, I probably just said something like "ohhhhh really? That's...interesting..." and looked down at a thread on my jeans intently or stared at a fly buzzing around like I've seen Pee Wee do or laughed and skipped out of the room. Sometimes it's hard for me to hide my emotions. Honestly, it's a great festival, and I went to a few of them a decade or so ago (OLD), but here's what sucks about having a husband on the Warped Tour, since I'm asked a lot:

1. It's two whole months of him gone!
2. You've been to a music festival, right? Does your phone ever work/get a good signal?
3. It's in the summer, in what some might consider unbearable heat. (Las Vegas date of Warped this year had an asphalt temperature that was reportedly 154 degrees, just saying.) Please pair this condition with lack of regular showers.

Take all that together and then you've got Jesse and I trying to talk every day like we do, but sometimes he's frustrated because the tour bus' AC just broke and sometimes I'm frustrated because I just got eight texts from him five hours after he'd sent them. Our phone calls don't work. The e-mails get to each other late. We're shouting "What!?" into our phones from hundreds of miles away.

And it just makes me sigh. You have now seen the window into my frustrations!

However, just as much as it can be infuriating, it's on-another-level-awesome when we DO get a clear signal and/or when he has a day off and we can videochat. [Sidenote: sometimes we'll be videochatting and I'll be talking about things people talk about and then he'll say something to someone across the room when you thought you were only talking to him and he was the only one that could hear you. Then he turns the computer around and the whole band is lounging in the hotel room, maybe they had been listening. Mortification sets in.]

Jesse also enjoys the fun of being on stage, always. I know he's had a great Warped experience as far as the music and the fans and the signings go! And the evening poker games...

And also, sometimes, he takes a plane from Warped Tour to show up for our best friends' rehearsal dinner and wedding! At the rehearsal dinner:

I may...or may not be...excited...?

-----

SPEAKING OF: Erica and David were married last Friday and it was FUN TIMES! I'm still mildly exhausted from the festivities. Much like Erica used to DJ into the wee hours of the morning on Tuesday nights, her wedding was basically a huge party. 

But first! There was the ceremony, and then dinner. Throughout I was intensely nervous about the speech I would be giving as the co-maid of honor. I'd barely had time to practice in the past couple of days with everything going on, and I had no idea when the emcee would be calling my name. Luckily, I had this chap next to me keeping me calm:

That's my "I'm nervous but hiding it with slight open mouth smile because I actually want to kind of scream" face. Luckily, the speech went well, people clapped, we toasted, I melted into a puddle of relief in the middle of the floor, per usual. And then I could let loose. Like so:

My sense of balance in the photo looks great and also a misleading depiction of my abilities. I probably fell over in the next frame. My legs still hurt, my voice was slightly hoarse. I may be dehydrated. I don't know. The symptoms of having too much fun vary.

-----

Remember when I wrote about the chocolate mousse exercise? I'll have you know that my cooking is still going strong, and I especially liked having a feast ready for Jesse when he came home last week. My cooking has been so consistent, in fact, that I invested in the above apron. The weekend at home may have kickstarted my cooking streak, but probably also Hannibal. Anyway, I wrote up the recipe for my friend Kelly's lifestyle blog! CHECK IT OUT HERE! And...always check her blog out, it's so cute. [There's even a photo of the finished product.]

I also have the second part of Jessica Thinks She Can Cook ready to go in my head. Thumbs up for my un-suaveness in the kitchen, am I right?!

-----

You know what? I cry a lot. Mainly at movies, music, tv, etc. I cry when a huge group of people come together for one reason. I may or may not have been known to cry walking down the aisle for my two best friends. I cried walking down my own aisle. So, here's my cry story from a couple of weeks ago.

I was watching this movie that was somewhat relatable culturally, so I was thinking of my family and loved ones a lot while watching it.  There were a lot of heartstrings being pulled. Strings that made me bawl alone on my couch, clutching to my cat. It's based on one of my favorite books, so I knew what was going to happen, and everything that made me cry in the book made me cry in the movie. I don't want to give the name of the movie currently because I might be spoiling it by my next description...

In the film, a husband and wife have moved to the U.S. from another country. Many years pass and they have two kids who have moved out and graduated college. The husband has to go to another state for a business trip that will take a few months. While there, he goes to the hospital for a stomach ache, and calls his wife to let her know. She expects a call later when he gets back to his apartment, but she receives no call. She calls the hospital and is trying to spell out her foreign last name to various hospital workers in order to get some information. Someone figures out who she's looking for and without ceremony tells her that her husband died a few hours ago. She cannot comprehend the news. She has nobody to talk to, she doesn't know what to do. She's alone in the house and she walks from room to room and finally just goes outside to the front lawn in the middle of the freezing night and lays down and screams.

I did the puddle trick again on my couch. This time it was a puddle of grief. But I like crying. I enjoy catharsis. I went to bed smiling after talking to Jesse, my parents, and holding on to Pee Wee. Sad crying usually lets me know that there are things I should be happy and grateful about; it's a reminder. Happy crying just makes me believe in humanity and love and all those good things. I think I happy cry a lot more than sad cry.

-----

And now for something completely different. Oddly enough I've been listening to Kanye West's new album Yeezus the past few weeks. Yes, surprising. I don't much listen to rap and I've never been fond of West's personality. However, this album... it grabbed me from the start. I liked the sounds. The groom from earlier, David Galea, liked the sounds too but he was more eloquent about it for this piece in a New York street culture blog called Fourth and Sixth. You should check it out. 

Any opinions on Yeezus? I often find myself bopping my head going "I just talked to Jesus / He said 'What up Yeezus?'" and laugh. Just laaaaauuuuugh.

-----

I have this friend from middle school, Jon Davis...I don't think I've seen him since 8th grade, both of us being military kids and all and moving every couple of years. However, social media had the ability to keep us in touch and now he's a filmmaker, so we have common interests. He posted this short he directed and wrote called Vows. It's embedded above. It's part of an interesting web series about the end of the world. There's not really any need to watch the first five episodes of the series, this being the sixth of Withered World, since they are all capsule episodes. I liked it a lot.

To be honest, I wondered at the end if I was feeling like a happy cry or a sad cry reaction. Maybe both.

That summer they took us in.

Here are the remarkable things that have happened in the past month --

I should start with a true point of unending happiness: my brother proposed to his girlfriend who shall henceforth be called his fiancé! He had wanted to surround Katie with the beauty of New Hampshire, at the summit of a mountain, and profess how his love was more vast than their view (at least, this is what comes to mind when he said "yeah, I'm going to take her hiking..."). Instead, as the gods are wont to do, it rained heavily all weekend and he was left to take on the task in a dimly lit, romantic restaurant, on one knee like a true charmer. I mean, I know what that's like! I'm thrilled at the prospect of having a sister! And for all the happiness she brings to my brother, yadda, yadda, yadda...

Before my brother's magical weekend, my own romantic hero took me across the United States to visit his family in northern California. It's not a part of the country I've spent much time, and it was great to reconnect with his father and aunt, and to meet his grandmother for the first time. We spent the last day of the trip in San Francisco, a city that renders me in a state of perpetual coldness. There was no fog this time around, like there was that July many years ago, but the wind was still there and it ran through me and chilled my bones every chance it could. I was glad to say bye to the city, but was sad to leave the loving faces of family just north of it.

Amidst the past month Jesse and I also spent a weekend in Massachusetts with my family for Mother's Day. It was a jam-packed weekend that included Katie (before she was The Fiancé) graduating with a Masters Degree (while Jesse and I parked it in a barcalounger-full theater for The Great Gatsby), and a dinner with her entire family. (They who will soon be an extension of our own family!) They are wonderful and again, I'm so happy for my baby brother. We spent Mother's Day on my parents' deck and Jesse got to show off his bocce skills again. He's quite the impressive chap when it comes to competitive games. We were sad to say bye to my family at the end of the weekend.

Last week, after Jesse returned from a couple of weeks of rehearsing in Minneapolis, and I returned from house- and dog-sitting in New Jersey, we celebrated his birthday! I took him out for a delectable steak dinner and then we hung out with friends in the East Village. It was a glorious Monday evening. We squeezed out every bit of time we had since his return and before his departure for the Warped Tour the day before yesterday. On his last night in town we got to see The Menzingers live! And though we felt like The Old People who were checking our watches at 10:30pm, as soon as they hit the stage and the first notes of "The Obituaries" began, we were pumped. (I have to pause here and personally thank Liz for the introduction of them via her blog.) I had a bit of an urge to jump into the crowd and let loose, but I just bounced around in one spot near the back for the most part. Jesse and I (with Pee Wee, of course) collapsed in bed that night exhausted, but it was all time well spent. And now it's gone. I'll see him again soon, and hopefully it will only be a stretch of a couple of weeks.

And in a few minutes, I'm off to Massachusetts again!

I don't really need to wonder at all.

Time, like always, moving so fast. The past few weeks glided by and I believe I can't even approach to encapsulate it all with any justice. In an effort to guide myself back to this space of writing, I'll just describe a few things I remember and start anew...
 

Jesse was home and then he was gone again. He's still gone, until May. We had a terribly productive couple of weeks around the house, and soon after he left I fell ill with fever. As he commented, I was doing it wrong by getting sick while he was hundreds of miles away (to include Alaska). It's true, I felt decrepit and wished he could have gotten me soup and hugged me as I shivered. I soothed my cold with four days of television and movies, though. And Pee Wee, always Pee Wee.
 

I must highly recommend:
 

Top of the Lake - the whole miniseries is on Netflix Instant now and if your gut doesn't feel punched a few times during, and then completely disemboweled by the finale, then you're watching it wrong. Jane Campion's beautiful directing and New Zealand scenery juxtaposes against some sinister activity in this crime drama.
 

Hannibal - Bryan Fuller, creator of Pushing Daisies, takes a completely different tone in this tv series about infamous character Hannibal Lecter. It's downright Kubrickian, and the cinematography is lush even when it's dead bodies you are seeing. (I suppose I like seeing beauty in evil things?) Hugh Dancy plays an interesting hero (a bit different than the book's Will Graham), and Mads Mikkelson as Hannibal is creep creep creepy but mesmerizing - as he should be. Most annoying character award goes to Freddie Lowndes, but she's necessary to the story, I suppose.
 

Game of Thrones - Season 3 is already off to a great start, and it's definitely overshadowing any love for Mad Men currently. I thought Mad Men's 5th season was cinematic, bleak, and its best. Its current season is thoroughly uncinematic and just not as compelling as it treads around the same themes. Over on HBO, everything is awesome. I can't even elaborate more than that, but each week it's getting better and better... this finale's going to be a doozy. Trust you me. Also, my tumblr seems to have inadvertantly turned into a sort of Game of Thrones fan blog, because the internet wins.
 

Lust, Caution - Ang Lee's movie was the best movie I saw while sick. I watched some real bombs, as my Letterboxd diary can attest, and Lee's direction always rises above the amateurs. The film also reminded me of what a great actor Tony Leung is, as I loved him and the movie In The Mood For Love (also highly recommend on Netflix Instant).
 

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell - I haven't seen the film yet, but I love the book a lot. I didn't want it to end. It's hard to even explain it, but I would recommend it to everyone.
 

"Still Into You" by Paramore - I've been playing this song on repeat, and I think it's probably this band's best song. I've listened to the new self-titled album a few times, but I always come back to this song because it's so fun and infectious and bright-sounding.
 

I also must mention that my best friend Kelly started a blog called The Sweet Avenue. It's a little spot of love and inspiration and cocktail recipes, which the world could always use, right? Since Jesse is remarkably good at making deviled eggs, he even wrote a quite hilarious post about it. Enjoy Kelly's blog! I certainly enjoy being her taste tester whenever I can be!
 

What else?
 

One night after stretching my body to and fro and up and sideways and making it feel leaden while my mind drifted I sat down and I had a lavender gimlet. Perhaps counterintuitive to all the restorative moves I just spent two hours doing, but a prize of a job well done, too. I had two lovely birds next to me, laughing along, and though my body hurt for days after it was all worth it.
 

I helped future bride Erica with a few wedding crafting projects on two occasions and normally I'm particularly wretched at having to craft, but turns out I'm able to tie twine around invitations, remove wax from old mason jars, and cut triangles out of fabric. I surprised even myself. The excitedly anticipated wedding will be much fun and look great!
 

On the subject of things I don't normally do, I was invited on a day trip to a farm an hour upstate this past weekend. My mother grew up in the rural countryside of Panama, so I've been to farms. And I'm not a fan mostly for the smell but also usually because of bugs and general dirtiness. However, I love animals. And at Glynwood Farm we reveled in lambs, piglets, and baby goats. Baby goats, I love thee and your soft little heads and curious eyes and adorable squeals of joy. I nearly stole one that kept butting my leg...I think it was a secret message to whisk him away in my arms. Alas, I had to say goodbye.

 

Tidbits of other thoughts that traversed my mind in the past few weeks:

 

I learned a friend will be leaving New York for San Francisco, quite abruptly. I think she's about to start a grand adventure.

 

My parents visited New Orleans, a city I've never had the chance to visit, and I'm jealous of all the fun they had.

 

I tried Steve's Mexican Chili Chocolate flavor ice cream and I'm not sure there is any better tasting ice cream than that one right there.

 

Liars are still The Worst, especially when they are making my friends hurt. Related: Harry Crane remains The Worst, too.

 

There's been a significant lack of backgammon since Jesse left, and I'm unamused by the fact that my skills are probably waning without the practice. He will likely win all future matches now.
 

Also in the past four weeks, I went dancing with girlfriends because one of us was unceremoniously dumped, and that's what you do. You dance. (Cue Robyn's 'Dancing on My Own.') And then while bedridden with chills you learn through various text messages that they've gotten back together, and now they're engaged and next day they've been married at city hall. April was most definitely a strange month, and last week probably strangest of all between work and personal maladies and national news. Historically strange, it would seem.
 

Onwards.

Find light in the beautiful sea.

How does time work, really? Where does it go? It just flutters by and then it's 2013 and it's almost April of 2013 and what happened?

In related news, yes, it seems things have happened. The best thing about this is it just proves again how amazing Motion City Soundtrack fans are. There's always been so much love, and I'm personally grateful for their classy and cool fans. Hurrah! The last month has been a bit weird, but they are all family and supportive of each other no matter the issue at hand. Also, I totally got Christina (Tony's ladyfriend) into Bunheads in our conversations while they were overseas, so I hope Tony enjoys that with his newly found time!

Jesse returns tonight from Minneapolis, at least for a little while... I don't think he even changed his flight to try to surprise/scare me this time! He was out there playing a show and they worked on some new songs--always exciting.

In turn I spent my weekend with my wives. A few years ago, going out on a Friday night after work was no problem. These days I have to strategically plan. Friday is my favorite day of the week, but also the most exhausting. My friends wanted to go to a dance party in Brooklyn that happens only once a month, so I made sure to get in a good nap on Friday night after work because we were to meet up at 11pm. Yeah, I had to nap. Way things go when you have a 9-5 five days in a row. And it worked because I was able to stay out dancing til about four in the morning! I'm exclaiming all this because I seriously feel proud. Like, "yeah! Still got it!" ...I'm not very cool.

The funniest part of the night was that a girl came up to me on the dance floor - during a Rihanna jam, total Diamonds Interruptus - and yells near my ear: "My friend, he wants to talk to you. Is that okay?"

What?

Has there been some sort of regression in the dating scene in the years since I've been in a relationship and married? Did some girl really just come up to me on behalf of her dude friend? REALLY? Has that guy not approached someone since middle school? Does this have something to do with the popularity of online dating? Do guys not want to face rejection in real life only via an OKCupid message? These are not even all of the questions I had at that moment. ANYWAY, I was like, "Are you serious? I can't even see who you are pointing to, but I'm married anyways, so..." She smiled and danced off. Can somebody fill me in or give me some insight into this? Does this type of behavior normal? Is this how dudes are picking up ladies in darkly lit bars these days? In 2013?

The rest of my weekend was decidedly more relaxed and I enjoyed doing some top secret Maid of Honor crafting--something I rarely do--and then spending a morning with the bride-to-be and her mom!  The rest of the time I spent with errands or random activities. Sometimes I find myself walking down the street while Jesse's gone, kind of wandering. If you haven't noticed, I'm a pretty independent person, but when he's gone sometimes I feel aimless. I can always do whatever I want, but it's more fun when he's around and I have someone to come home to and who wants to see me and spend time with me and it's not like something I have to plan. He's there, I'm there and it's nice just to be together and have each other around. I'm being quite ineloquent but that's me trying to explain what happens sometimes when he's gone. Nothing makes you appreciate another person's mere presence when they have to leave for days at a time! And I am truly happy just to be sitting next to him on a couch doing absolutely nothing.

He lands in about an hour. I am excited.

One month later.

What a wonderful weekend... I can hardly remember what I did before yesterday - my mind is circling. On Friday? Oh right, I went to see El Sportivo and The Blooz play in Brooklyn, and it was my favorite kind of show: relaxed and small and everybody smiling. On Saturday I had a brunch with the one I call The Writer who has Written a Book. We went over my thoughts and her thoughts and everything in between and this too had me smiling -- maybe that's why the waiter brought me a free mimosa with our bill? We set off then for the cinemas and saw Park Chan-Wook's Stoker with my friend Amber. It was beautiful, but the story left me bitter. Matthew Goode? Also beautiful.

Perhaps I was smiling so much because I knew what laid at the end of my weekend: Jesse's return. He'd sent me an itinerary that foretold his arrival at approximately 7pm at JFK. Yesterday, however, he seemed oddly out of contact during his supposed layover and like the boy who cried wolf, I expected him to walk in the door earlier. And he did! At around 5pm Pee Wee leapt off my lap on the couch and trotted towards the door (we were watching the terrific documentary How to Survive a Plague) and in wheeled his bags and he with his (much longer than before) beard. He's surprised me so many times (to my delight) that I now watch for signs.

My happiness must have been electric then because I even cooked dinner. I made steak, sweet potato wedges, and green beans. It was largely successful though I have to admit my journey to the final product was decidedly inelegant and full of CLANGS! and hasty curses. I've decided practice makes perfect so hopefully my clumsiness in the kitchen also improves. After dinner, Jesse doled out some gifts from his travels, and then we settled on the couch for this weekend's Saturday Night Live and Jesse dozed off. After moving him up to bed in the evening, he kept sleeping even as I left this morning. The man was tired after nearly 24 hours of airports and flights. And so, I am happy.

Safe behind your teeth.

I meant to write about last weekend all week, and now the next weekend is upon me! In sum, I had a wonderful night on Friday celebrating my best friend Kelly's birthday, and then I headed to Massachusetts to spend the weekend with my dad. My dad and I are in similar situations right now: our spouses are oceans and continents away! So, naturally, we got together and watched movies, put together a puzzle, and ate ice cream cake. It's what we do. After a stressful work week, it was definitely a necessary and relaxing getaway for me. Thanks Dad! (And Buddy, pictured above!)

This week was also steeped in stress at work, but I've been trying to keep up with daily workouts and healthy eating. Like I'm an adult or something. My dad is going to be revolted by this, but I learned how to make really delicious brussel sprouts! Thanks to Kelly for showing me how easy it is. I think Instagram has made me despise non-professional photos of food, so I won't even post that here: DON'T WORRY.

Jesse's been quite busy across the world, and I'm so excited for him to come back next week. It's hard not being able to see and hear and touch someone for an entire month. I went to see Jack the Giant Slayer with my dad this past weekend and when the lead characters went in for a smooch I nearly sighed. And then I almost slapped myself. Get it together, Parker. Sad truth!

I decompressed from work most days this week with my commute reading. I finished Mary McCarthy's The Group, which apparently had quite a following in earlier generations of women. It still speaks to female friendships, and I liked it a lot. Then I read/edited a manuscript for a friend that wrote a novel that I cannot talk about at all until it's ready for publication, but it's awesome and I'm sorry I have to be vague and also for this terrible sentence. I just finished reading Sylvia Plath's collection of poems Ariel, and I think I re-read some of the poems three or four times before I was ready to put down the book. My favorite was "Lady Lazarus." I don't read much poetry, but I love Plath. Bleak but strong, melancholy but assertive -- I love her voice.

The rain's banging against the windows behind me, and I'm waiting for a call from Indonesia before I head to sleep.

I'll sign off with a few lines from Sylvia Plath's poem "You're"... I'm sure you can guess who I was thinking of while I read it:

Vague as fog and looked for like mail.
Farther off than Australia.
Bent-backed Atlas, our traveled prawn. 

GOOD OL' BARFTIME.

For the first time since he's been in Australia, Jesse and I were able to video chat this evening (his morning)! We spent a good twenty minutes talking and not until after did I realize that it was the 27th of February. Six years ago we had our first date! Hooray! As I head to bed, the thought makes me smile even though he's halfway across the globe.

Also, this was the last screenshot of our conversation. YOU'RE WELCOME.

My secret to working out.

"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." - Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

Yes, I am quoting the movie Legally Blonde before diving into a post about what I do to get those endorphins. My exercise routine for the past month has been dormant and this week I felt in need of a kick-start. I've been back to the gym and even tried this Zumba DVD set my mom gave me a couple of years ago. Yes, years...

Because when you haven't seen your husband in two weeks and the weather is dreary, you need some flippin' endorphins.

All that said, as a somewhat bookish person who played some soccer in high school and enjoys hiking mountains, I'm not quite attuned to regular exercise. What did I discover that brought me to the gym? I thought it could be making really cool mixes and jogging or ellipticalling (not a real word) to the beats. But no, it was the almighty Kindle that reeled me in. Well, the Kindle and a good book.

In 2010, I finished reading War & Peace on an elliptical as the sun came up over the Brooklyn skyline before I went to work. (I have a feeling that's one of the only books I will ever remember The Moment I Finished It.) Previously a bit skeptical of e-books, I now embrace the medium because it's allowed me to be more comfortable while working out.

Living in New York, my main reading space is on my commute on the subway. I've been conditioned to tune out most everything around me when on the train, and at the gym the Kindle helps me tune out the fact that I'm exercising! Miraculous. I think my next Kindle-read will be Gillian Flynn's Sharp Objects. Any suggestions for fast-paced reading fun?

(Can't remember why Rory would smile during that book, but okay.)

PS The television character I always related most to was Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. (Well, her and Hurley from LOST.) I think a Gilmore Girls series-binge is imminent. It's been over six years since I last watched the series. That is all.

PS2 Except for...what if Gilmore Girls had lasted long enough for the e-reader to exist? I wonder what Rory's opinion would be. I should have probably kept this meandering thought to myself...

Lady winery hangs.

You'll be happy to know I didn't spend my evening just thinking about the Oscar nominees, but hanging with friends at the nearby Brooklyn Winery. I'm a fan of red wine, especially on a cold winter night, so when I knew we were going to the winery I decided to wear my deepest wine color - my trick to keep the wine stains unnoticed. You know what I'm talking about!

Beca, Jaime, me

When Jesse's around I try to wear nothing on my lips that can rub off on him. Fortunately, my favorite red lipstick stays put for hours and never gets a mark on him! The wine-colored lipstick I chose tonight is actually a mix of three tubes I've acquired, and very sticky. Perfect for a night with two of my favorite ladies, Beca and Jaime!

My favorite room at the Brooklyn Winery was open; it overlooks the sidewalk out front at a slightly elevated angle perfect for people-watching but is secluded from the rest of the bar so there's the bonus privacy. It's warm, cozy, and full of old furniture and artwork that makes it feel like a comfy grandfather's study - good vibes emanate.

Leaving said cozy room was pretty tough for the three of us, as you can see the pain of the wind on their faces above. When I got home, Jesse had sent me an e-mail that he was just waking up in Australia, and now I'm watching Project Runway. Good vibes emanate.

Thinking sorrow was perfection.

I've just hit the time where it's hardest to be away from Jesse. I'm usually pretty good right after he leaves, but there always comes a lull a few days later and my heart sinks just a little bit. This morning he e-mailed me from Seoul, Korea where he was boarding a flight to Brisbane, Australia. Australia has always been a bit of a black spot for the mechanics of our long-dstance relationship since there is a 15 hour time difference and the internet situation there is usually spotty and at hotels very expensive. I'm attempting to keep positive and have high hopes for better communication this go-round. Yet I still remember the time Jesse walked around for an hour in the oppressive heat of Melbourne trying to find an internet cafe so we could talk.

His time in Japan has been good; I know it's one of his favorite countries, and the internet is plentiful! I'm not sure that word is the right descriptor, but even with the 14 hour time difference we were able to e-mail in my morning while he was finishing up a show and video chat when I got home from work and he was waking up in a hotel. Last night we video chatted twice, it was great! Pee Wee joined lazily the second time as he napped in my lap.

Jesse will be having a great time in Australia playing shows and catching up with old friends. Tonight he's going to a Metallica-hosted BBQ - how strange and fun! I'll busy myself by preparing for my annual Oscar-viewing party and making my Oscar predictions... I mean, I'm not saying I'm jealous of his lifestyle, but maybe I am...just a little?

Off to a winter weekend!

Even though Jesse will be crossing half the world today -- further away from ME! -- I am grateful to have the great friends here that help distract me from the miles between me and the husband. This weekend ten of us are heading to a cabin up in the Catskills. I've lived in New York for almost seven years now and I've never been to the Catskills! There will be four couples, me, and my friend Gaby. I should be able to update from upstate (ha), and I imagine it will entail a lot of sweatpants, snow, wine, eating, and laughing. This weekend invitation came just in time!

Me thinking of you thinking of me thinking of you type love.

Programming note: the internet at home has been terribly slow for the past week! I am unable to upload photos right now. Will update when I can. Hopefully these words post...

Earlier this week I was talking to one of my friends who is in a relatively new relationship. Her boyfriend asked her if she ever watched porn, and she responded as I think I probably would have -- why watch skeezy videos when I love swooning to Ewan McGregor singing or George Clooney pulling a fully-clothed woman into a bathtub or Tom Hardy in a cardigan (plus their top notch production value)?

And so, on this Valentine's Day, since I will be spending it with my cat on the couch most likely watching Downton Abbey and Girls (check and check, Project Runway is currently on), here is an ode to some great (sexy) characters...

(I promise to update this with photos when I get a chance!)

>> Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth), Pride & Prejudice (BBC miniseries) - I watch this miniseries at least twice a year and it's like six hours long. That's how much it makes me swoon. I also know the DVD chapters that are 'most important.' (DARCY SCENES)

>> Mr. Darcy (Colin Firth), Bridget Jones's Diary - Obviously. Not only is it one of the best rom-coms ever, but it's basically Colin Firth reprising his P&P role.

>> Jack Foley (George Clooney), Out of Sight - hands down the sexiest movie ever. And there's no nudity or sex! But you just watch that trunk scene! You watch George Clooney pull a (surprisingly great) Jennifer Lopez into a bathtub with him while she's fully clothed! It makes no sense but it's sexy!

>> Christian (Ewan McGregor), Moulin Rouge! - that bright, shining face singing about love makes me swoon so hard.

>> Matt (Mark Ruffalo), 13 Going on 30 - Ruffalo is just so understated dreamy.

>> The Piemaker (Lee Pace), Pushing Daisies - the eager eyebrows do it all.

>> Walter Burns (Cary Grant), His Girl Friday - fast talking, LOVE IT.

>> Forrest Bondurant (Tom Hardy), Lawless - cardigans.

>> Eddie (Hugh Jackman), Someone Like You - I don't think many people have seen this rom-com, but YOWWWW Hugh Jackman in boxers!

>> Laurie (Christian Bale), Little Women - Bale has done many a swoon-worthy movie, but it all goes back to Laurie!

>> Hopsy (Henry Fonda), The Lady Eve - what a lovable buffoon!

>> Robert Downey, Jr in everything - because his charm extends everywhere!

>> Trent (Sam Rockwell), Lawn Dogs - little gem that made me fall for Rockwell.

>> BOTH Jesse and Celine in Before Sunset - because that chemistry! Their conversations; his smile, her accent.

>> Tiffany (Jennifer Lawrence), Silver Linings Playbook - I think I fell in love with her during the movie.

I could probably keep going...but I should STOP! Do you have any swoon-worthy characters you turn to when you need a romantic boost?

And if you need an injection of emotion tonight, here is a great and VERY SHORT but entirely AMAZING short story by Mary Robison called "Yours." It's wonderful, I promise.

I do miss Jesse. He is in Minneapolis and heads overseas tomorrow. We don't make much of a to-do about Valentine's Day, and he's usually traveling anyway. I'll tell you this much - he makes me feel loved and special most days of the year. I feel lucky and grateful every day... all those characters above are just characters, I got the real thing. Smiles! Happiness! Hooray!

And, finally, my Valentine's Day tradition, re-sharing Kelly's Christmas card from 2004 with you. Happy Valen-Mimes Day!

Last weekend.

The time has come again. Jesse has been home for a good two months, and tomorrow he leaves for a whole one. It's probably the reason I've been slacking on updating -- spending my downtime with Jesse was priority the past couple of weeks. (And updating will most likely take up as a distraction upon his departure.)

It's been some time since he was out of the country on tour, and we've haven't been apart for an entire month since the very beginning of our relationship. In fact, the beginning of our relationship started February 27th, 2007 -- a six-year anniversary coming up! He will be in Sydney, Australia that day. But I don't dwell on these things; it's corny but we do have the rest of time to hang out... which he takes care to remind me of every now and then.

We spent his last weekend in town like real hardcore cool people by going to a backgammon meet-up. Yeah, you read me right. Jesse loves the game backgammon, and while I find it frustrating to play him because he is simply streets ahead of me in the game, I like it too. Jesse heard about a meet-up at SPiN, the Susan Sarandon-owned ping-pong bar in Manhattan. Backgammon aficianado Jaime also joined us and we descended into the back room a bit nervous for what type of crowd backgammon brings around. Turns out it wasn't only octogenarians, but a pretty diverse crowd of young, old, foreign, etc.

Jaime remarked at one point, "dang, if I was single I would totally come here to pick up guys." You heard it, ladies: BACKGAMMMON MEET-UPS! Better start learning the game!

On Sunday, Jesse and I had a double date brunch with Kells and Jon, to La Palapa where brunch is $15 for a coffee, a delicious margarita, and the best huevos rancheros I've ever eaten. It's our favorite Manhattan brunch spot - at least the most frequented. After having a laugh as we always do with those two, Jesse asked me if I wanted to see a movie since we had no plans for the afternoon.

Me, see a movie?

Sometimes it's hard to get Jesse to go to the theater with me, especially since I go so often. My Letterboxd is telling me that I saw 40 films in the theaters last year. That's...a lot. I like going with Jesse because he is highly opinionated about films. Even when he's not with me I leave the theater wondering if it would be something Jesse would enjoy. I'm getting better at predicting his love/hate levels!

Anyway, I checked my phone and the new Williamsburg Cinema was playing Soderbergh's latest (and last?) feature film, Side Effects. Soderbergh can really go either way with me, and I wasn't sure if this was something that would be any good. I thought it might tread a little too political (for a movie starring Channing Tatum, if you know what I mean), but it ended up being something entirely different than what I expected. I really liked it, and Jesse did too!

That evening we went to a new restaurant in our neighborhood that had been getting good reviews and is up for a 'Best New Restaurant' award. It was delicious food! And had great cocktail to boot. It was a fitting ending to a great last weekend.